I will write, it may be nothing but I must write or i will not exist fully. I am making and to write whilst making confuses me. When I think about making it runs like a film in my mind that I edit whilst watching this is why as soon as I write a few words they get deleted again until i have nothing.
but then if i wait until i have made before i write then surely something of the idea is lost in the practical world of creating something that exists outside of the film in my mind.
regardless of meaning or coherence i will write and keep doing so in an attempt to capture the idea as it evolves from dream to action.
Now I am thinking of Tallinn, in darkness, dusty, damp and smokey. There are people mumbling in different languages or just standing around or glued to laptops or gazing at the smoke. I am supposed to perform so I need to find Sandra or Jaanika to find out where should be. Where I am will depend on what I do. I should have this organised before I arrive as so much depends on the space, do I tell them what I need, or do I allow them to assign a space for me? Better I think to begin negotiations with a suggestion of my requirements. I expect I will need a floor. I like floor space, empty floor space, I will probably need around the size of a domestic room, maybe bigger to allow an audience. and what about the door? where will the audience come from how will they enter the work, maybe I have a space withing a large room, a corner maybe, starting in the corner and coming out, but do not want a stage or a domestic room where people have to enter a domestic door as they will expect domesticity on arrival and that is not where i will present my work.
To go further I need to know where I will be somewhat. I may want to work on the floor maybe I could have a small room like the one I stayed in when I first arrived. I would start in the corner the viewers would come in and by the end we will all have been pushed back out by the process. i will find Sandra and ask her if I can use the room I was in before. Then I will continue my dream…
