PMT and getting work done
I’ll write more next week about my essay for Anthony Boswell – the commissioning, research, and writing processes – but for now, the text is available on my website.
But I wanted to dip a bit more into embarassement this week, by talking about PMT (pre menstural tension, haha): how that horrible, anxious, tired, miserable hormonal swing affects my freelance work, and ways I’ve tried to combat it.
I’m at the point now in my “writing career” where I don’t make enough to pay the rent, but I have enough (paid and unpaid) work to do that I have to write for a substantial part of each day, to deadline, and to a high quality. But every time PMT comes around, those feelings I’ve just mentioned swarm in with a vengeance. Every task I touch seems to fall apart, communication becomes extra difficult, and I require so much sleep that I’m likely to nod off at my desk.
More specifically, I find that “fear of writing” – or that low-level anxiety that comes with doing creative work – is multiplied and gets paralysing. And my brain just feels foggier, as if I’m working with treacle instead of neurons.
Being freelance (like being an artist?) requires planning and self-discipline that, at first, I thought was unlike that in a “normal” day job. But once I remembered the type of small scale project management, organization, and generally excellent manner that I conducted myself in my last actual job (at a charity), I realised I had to stop being a baby about it. The only difference with freelancing is that there’s no-one (except your inner critic) keeping an eye on how much work you do, how long it takes, and whether you’ve met your targets for the day.
Usually, this is difficult but manageable, but with PMT comes a sort of mental melt-down that I’m not proud of.
I haven’t figured out exactly how to deal with it yet, but some of the things I’m trying are:
1. Letting myself sleep in later, and trying to go to bed earlier
2. Trying to stay off the internet, as it is too stressing to read about other people’s smooth running lives and careers
3. Unless a huge deadline is looming, I try to focus on easier tasks and work less hours over the days of PMT, or at least break down large tasks into chunks – though sometimes in my panic I just forget to do this
What would be ideal, and what I plan to do next, is to keep a careful track of my emotions in my diary, so that I learn to work with my strengths and carry myself during weaker times. Without a boss or timesheet to motivate me during horrible days, I need to do the inner work that results in a stronger & gentler character as I build my business.
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How do the women on Artists Talking find PMT affects their work? What are your tips for battling tiredness and anxiety?
