Now that I’ve really got into the swing of writing this blog, it’s quickly established itself as a positive, integral part of my work as an artist and I’ve been wondering how and why it took me so long to find the nerve to start it. Attending two recent events organised by Artists Talking undoubtedly had an impact on me; there was something about meeting experienced artist/bloggers face to face and hearing them speak so positively about the advantages of blog writing that helped make the whole process appear more tangible and appealing. And the modest and unassuming ways of the chosen speakers added to the overall feeling that blog writing was accessible to anyone willing to give it a go.
But other reasons for feeling able to take the plunge and start writing were due to what I’ve recognised as a shift in my own learning and personal development – an increase in confidence, essentially and a greater self-awareness. More recently, I’ve managed to overcome an innate shyness and to resolve within myself the unsettling feeling associated with appearing immodest and self-indulgent. Growing up in rural England in the 1960s, the daughter of working class parents, the inherent sense of knowing my place in society has to some extent stayed with me. Whilst being encouraged to celebrate the good things in life, there was a sense that any sort of blowing one’s own trumpet or bragging wasn’t welcomed and modesty was seen very much as a virtue. As a working class girl in those times, finding a husband and starting a family was expected to be the height of your ambition.
I made a conscious decision at the start of 2011 to gain more exposure for my art and proposed to use social networking to do so. But while understanding on an intellectual level that self-promotion was necessary in terms of getting my work seen, emotionally, I’d often find myself shying away from it. I would wholeheartedly champion my art work one day, tweet away to my heart’s content about it, only to retreat back into a silenced embarrassment the next. Self doubt? Lack of confidence? Good old fashioned British reserve? Or perhaps an underlying feeling that it really wasn’t my place, particularly as a woman, to promote myself?
I’ve been amazed by how in a very short space of time, writing the blog has helped sharpen my focus – how much it invites in, both from others in terms of their readership and comments, and in relation to myself, in terms of reflective thinking. I’m already beginning to feel accountable to others; and through ‘speaking’ out loud about my work and committing myself to certain things, I now feel like I want to come up with the goods; it’s a useful discipline and in the absence of a studio, I’ve welcomed having it.
My reticence about self-promotion has meant that stepping into the art world has unfolded at a measured pace; frustrating on one level but this slow-but-sure approach has produced something strong and my sense of who I am as an artist (both in a local and global sense) feels solid and sustainable. Meeting like-minded people through my move to Core Gallery last summer, holding on to some of the relationships formed there and then starting this blog has propelled me forward on all sorts of levels and I’m heading into 2012 feeling adventurous and optimistic.
Right now however, there’s a lot of displacement activity going on. I’m thinking about the mechanics of the blog a lot – too much I fear – how and why I’m writing it, why it took so long to get around to doing and so on, is all taking precedence over the actual process of getting down to any art work.
The sketch book I’ve been working on has, as of today, gone from being mislaid to seriously lost and I’m wondering if on some subconscious level, I’ve helped it happen. There are a lot of pages to fill and if I’m going to get it posted back to the States by the required date of January 30th I’ve got a lot of work to do…
