I have had the dreaded lurgy- chest infection and all. Thankfully after Christmas, but am only now beginning to feel human agin. Sadly with it comes the realisation that I am now behind with everything , but still lacking the energy to really tackle it all full on.
Everything seems too much effort. Today one of the speakers for SVAF declined for next month and it just seemed a mountain to climb to sort it out again.Ridiculous really.
The main thing that has happened is nothing. No drawing, no blogging, no progressing anything……….
On the no blogging front I didn’t even have the energy to report that an anonymous ‘confessional ‘ letter has been left in the Collection Plate.
Not something I had expected.
I wondered if the ecumenical white cloth or the religious connatations of the collection plate may have illicited it. Maybe the fact that the collection plate was obviously a used and legitimate ‘public space’ beckoned.
” I often feel unable to explain how I really feel. When the time comes words become so hard to use. Empty is the only word and it still leaves my mind blank.
When I am sat in the back of the car I imagine cars coming towards my side of the door, where I am sitting, without a seat belt, at full speed, only hurting me.
i have recently cut myself , on my left shoulder. I was in a very different mood when it happened. I scratch myself , pull my skin until it looks raw. I can’t control myself………….”
” ….punching hurts my head. I can’t stop. I want to obliterate everything, everything in my way, everything in my head. I can’t be given responsibilty although I crave it”
The note shocked and saddened me. Interestingly the author has succeeded in laying some responsibility my shoulders.
I thought around the possibility of acknowkledging the note by writing my own and leaving it the bowl. In the end I did not. Not because of the art work but because I felt I might be offering not just contact but hope of a healing conversation and I didn’t feel qualified to start that……..
