What I wrote last time was more of a whinge than an update of the project I couldn’t figure why I was so pissed off. I’m normally pretty laid back about my past, I realise that people have various opinions and have always been a bit respectful of them. But the moan last week sounded as if I had a chip on my shoulder over it, which I didn’t think I had. I’ve never been ashamed of my time away, even though it was for a huge amount of class A drugs. I’d always justified it by the fact I was used as a drugs mule, stitched up.
Getting back to where the fore mentioned chip on my shoulder has come from (this feels like a bloody therapy session!). Whilst I was away I started a GNVQ art, I made a deal with myself that if I get the top marks I’d go all the way and head for a degree. I got those marks and it changed my life from that day to this. I’d become a born again artist, a bit of a pain in the arse like those ex-smokers who can’t wait to tell you how great things are since they stopped. I’d do paintings for people and get them involved, the pleasure of getting a psycho armed robber sitting there, painting/colouring in something I’ve drawn for him was massive. And seeing him kneel down and present it to his to his little boy with pride still makes me well up.
Anyway, about six years ago my cousin was saying how bad things were with gangs, etc. at her school, I’d finished Uni and saw this as my calling. I could put the ‘something’ to give back that I’d been looking for. I wrote a very sincere and concise letter to the Local Authority telling them of my childhood, criminal past (petty crime), turning my life around, getting a degree and now wanting to help to try and make a change in my community. And asking the possibility of doing something positive and, bar a little inner redemption, it was one of the very few selfless things I’d ever done.
Soon after The Sun exposed how there’s ‘X’ amount of teachers in the system with sexual offences, but have somehow slipped beneath the radar. Several weeks later I received a letter from the Education Secretary, being the realist I think myself to be, I presumed it would be 95% NO with the remaining 5% divided between YES and ‘have you thought of contacting…?’ It was a NO, but no normal NO. It was a ‘kick you up the bollocks then kick you while you’re down followed by a generous sprinkle of salt to be rubbed in the wounds’ kind of NO. It mentioned recent reports of failings in background checks and in light of that my name had been put on a sort of list to ensure I am barred from working in schools, colleges and Government run child/youth groups. I’d been tarred with the same brush as the nonces. I wasn’t angry but numb, embarrassed and pretty much ashamed of being me. I got a letter a year or so later stating that they had revisited issue, I shouldn’t have been on the list and have now been taken off. It made me feel no better.
That long winded story, which was borderline whinge, is why I was so pissed off over the two galleries pulling out of showing the WALK A MILE piece, it wasn’t the fact they pulled out, it was the fact they pulled out because of the work I’d created prior to this. I’m not putting WALK A MILE on some pedestal, but the section I’m about to complete, like my letter to work in the school, was more to do with someone else other than me. I got the feeling that that was being overlooked in place of the work that has a more direct ‘prison’ aspects, it hurt a bit, to be honest.
If anyone has actually read this far, I apologise for banging on so much, this blog was meant to be 2-3 paragraphs long… bloody tangents!
