‘I am a chair therefore I am a chair’
Portsmouth – Brighton – Portsmouth July 9th
Still resting and finding it hard to deal with ‘outside’ at the moment – sometimes its hard to push outside of you when the inside is unwilling – I repeat mantra ‘artist 247’ 10x on waking and 19x before bed – shifting minor continents and repossessing my confidence.
Now begins evaluation time – systemizing and bringing together.
Friday: Busy day helping to support the Accentuate South East symposium at Brighton University we had set up – Culture shifting one year on from the games: I was also Chairing the Public art debate with some great guests with an artist, CEO of IXIS, an officer from The British Council and National Director of AA2A.
I had a problem – where do I start my panel intro – I wanted it to be light but reflect the seriousness of the day and the weighty (not literally) panel. Also my aspergers causes havoc when I refer to anything – It has to be literal – I have a problem being referred to as a ‘Chair’ – yes I know its a title but like in Sunday school always being told ‘I am a door’ it just confuses the learning and situation – literalism. So suddenly sitting there in the audience in the first sessions not quite in a panic as there were a few hours left to write something it came to me – why not confess that – The session was ‘Disabled artists forging a carear…’ so had a problem with literally ‘forging’ too esp in the current climate of papers reporting on disabled people and austerity ..
Sat and wrote the 20 things I wanted to say – ordered them and placed in a ‘visual memory journey’ – something I was taught to foster buy a psychologist who saw I had a talent for this – as a dyslexic I have a duff STM but great LTM – so you input as pictures – I also have synaesthesia which helps as I can do the ‘journey’ in the dark and feel the memory objects I place – brilliant trick for sequencing and gave me confidence important to someone with hidden disability ( and yes low self esteem counts as the disability – not my aspergers or dyslexia)
So I started talk with ‘welcome – I have a problem….etc’ and people laughed so started relaxed (on the whole aspies should not tell jokes – i.e. ‘what do you call 2 crows in a tree – attempted murder’ – see told you.
Panel went well – though we were subject to some cuting in timing as we were the last of the day and by that time a deficit had accumulated from all the others..
Then a brief note from the return Journey
My Sun
Washes
In fragments
Across
Pink
Blue
& bow
While
Clouds
Whisper away
to nothing
A half
Turned smile
is My reward
for
Looking and
catching
Her gaze
