I have finally found a bit of time and space to try and focus on finding a few words. The last few days have been eventful…
I have been talking to many, many people about the project and about the search for women who prepare clothes in which they wish to be buried. I have been showing the photographs from the last research trip, and the feedback has been very encouraging.
The process of research has developed an interesting dynamic: other people are asking other (mostly) women if they know someone who has prepared such clothes. This vast network of women is expanding and I feel as though my work is filtering through to many people, in this different format, it is becoming a performative relational work.
Conversations have sprung up here and there as women discuss their memories of their mothers, aunties, neighbours etc having such clothes prepared, as they discuss the portrait of women in photographs and their almost nostalgic view on the aesthetic of their grandmothers which they recognise in some of the photographes, the domestic spaces too evoke so many memories and feelings and more…
I went and spoke to women’s group ‘Duga’ (Duga is a non-governmental organisation which organises a range of activities for and by women). One of the women mentioned that her late aunt had prepared everything including a small mirror, thread and a needle, about which she is still perplexed. We had a good chat, and they said they will ask around and find out.
There have also been a few misunderstandings as some people thought I was looking for traditional folk clothes and women to be photographed in their ethno village surrounding. I nearly went on a long bus trip into town where very generously a group of colleagues (of a friend) offered to help. A phone call later and I had to cancel the trip because they didn’t realise I was looking specifically for the ‘funeral clothes’ (as some people also call it), and when I explained the nature of the research they said that this was too sensitive and they were uncomfortable asking on my behalf. This happened again yesterday as I went to a village near Banja Luka. A friend of my mother is a doctor, who asked one of her patient if she could help me out. This woman then collected from the village all the traditional folk clothes. When I turned up at her house, after we all had a cup of very strong black coffee, she showed me the room where she laid out all the traditional folk garments. It was very sweet of her to have gone into so much trouble and I had to be very sensitive not to offend her in saying that I was specifically looking for clothes which has someone personally prepared. Tactfully, I did explain myself, but also I photographed the traditional folk garments she laid out – there were beautiful pieces of clothing, all handmade and hand-woven. She had also arranged for a man in the village who collects old traditional objects to show them to me. I really liked his one string instrument called ‘gusle’ which he made himself from the wood; on one end of ‘gusle’ he carved a symbol of the birth of the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (also known as SFRJ) and on the other end he carved a church from his place of birth. I tried to gather which one came first, as in his ‘gusle’ a whole history could be sung – from religion to socialism and back – but his answer was a bit slippery…I think the socialist sign came first but am not sure. (Gusle is a traditional instrument used for singing songs of historical and epic content, so it is fitting to have such symbols carved into it).
I wanted to speak directly to one of the women from the village who have ‘donated’ folk clothes for the shoot, as I was hoping that I still may find that one of them has prepared such clothes. After driving through muddy and narrow road we reached one house, but the woman there said that she is too young for preparing clothes for death. But a woman we visited in the second house said she has such clothes and agreed to be photographed. Yes, I was so pleased to have persevered in my detective work. Her clothes were all kept in a yellow ‘Camel’ bag, and were prepared by her daughter in law who lives with her son in Switzerland. I photographed her and her clothes, and filmed a short interview about her preparation, and reaction to a very organised daughter in law. In my previous journey I tended to photograph clothes and then portrait but now I am trying to capture them all together, within the domestic setting.
I decided that I won’t post images of the women and their clothes yet, as it still all too fresh, plus images I have available are from a small digital camera whereas the final piece will be photographs from the medium format camera. This is also a new experience as I recently purchased Mamiya 7ii and am absolutely loving it. I am a bit concerned about the flimsiness of the negative as it comes in these rather open looking roles which when changing the film I very carefully take out and keep in a dark box. It should all hopefully work out as I did some tests before going on the project to try out different negs, exposures, camera etc which was a very useful exercise.
And finally to add to this lengthy blog that I have been thinking more about my ambivalent relationship to blogging and I think it has something to do with the fact that I am working on a sensitive and personal subject, many people are involved in either taking part or helping me to find the participants and I feel huge responsibility of being fare to everyone involved. Negotiating the personal nature of the project with the very public nature of the web site is part of the tension of blogging that I feel and will see how I negotiate these spaces.
Tomorrow I am taking a train to Mostar, where I will be picked up by an Orthodox priest with whom I will be stationed for couple of days. He has kindly offered to help with the project. I am so looking forward to this new unknown chapter.
