I may have some sort of personality disorder.
I am really quite anti-social for an extrovert.
I like to be on my own.
When I’ve had a few days of being out there having fun and being nice and smiley to people, the best thing in the world is ten hours straight on my own in the studio. It needs to be ten hours because I spend the first two fannying about with the kettle and the stuff on the wall, and going to buy biscuits etc.
I think I like blogging so much because I can talk and talk without actually having to deal with anyone. Also, I can leave my hair looking like a bird’s nest, and leave off the make-up, and wear the jumper I wore for the last two days because it is comfy.
I love to be busy and meet new people and old friends and be jolly, and then I retreat. Big time baby. I am in the middle of a grumpy retreat at the moment, only putting on the public face when I absolutely have to.
While I am in this slump/grump I am literally forcing myself to do applications, and search about for things to either get my work out into the world, or earn some money. I growl if the phone rings.
BUT……….
In one small part of my head, ready to turn into fully fired up enthusiasm, is a little spark of joy that keeps me sane, and keeps me going.
Collaboration.
I love it!
I think it is my thing. The conversation between artists and musicians. The ideas that ping about between me and them.
So in the middle of this grump, I ask a couple of people if they will help with a project. I ask in a way that will save face and feel comfortable for both parties if they say no (see, I DO have social skills!) and will enable the relationship to continue regardless.
They both said yes.
So now the little spark in a little part of my head turns into a bright blue pilot light. To stretch the analogy rather too far, I now need someone to come up with the gas so we can get cooking.
Collaborators, bless them. If you are lucky you get a collaborator who turns into a friend, or vice versa… I have a selection of each variety. They are able to spark you out of the dark mood…and if they are a long way away and only communicate electronically, they might not even notice that you look like a cat lady, and you don’t answer their emails right away. So their response is normal. And before you know it, you start feeling normal again too.
(just give me a while ok?)
*************
While I write this sporadically, between mugs of tea that I allow to go cold, I read another blog post, by Claire Manning:
https://www.a-n.co.uk/blogs/writing-as-learning
in which she also describes the slump… August apparently being a popular month for it. Also, she is “post MA” which, as has been reported, is a well known condition that is to be expected. All will be well, Claire!
