It feels like all my time is being sucked up at the moment with job hunting, writing proposals for opportunities/commissions and funding applications. Pay and conditions in my part time job have become so dire I need to find another way of surviving or else I’m going to lose it (my head and probably my job). This is probably a good thing (I keep telling myself) – I need a change and it will push me to write those applications I have a tendency to avoid. But its exhausting, and it feels like I’m not getting time to so the thing that’s the most important – making work.
But this week I’ve found the little moments and occasional hour I’ve carved out for myself to play in the studio have brought some joy. The studio is a mess – boxes of cutouts, papers, piles of books everywhere – looks and feels like chaos. But as I’ve been rummaging feverishly through a pile of paper on the table or a box has upturned itself, a combination of accidental collisions makes itself apparent and suddenly I see something makes sense .I feel like with the pieces that work best, it’s not me that making the work, but just discovering it. There’s no saying when it will happen, I just need to be there, forget to try, be patient and eventually something will happen. These moment make the other stuff okay.
