Sometimes wonder why Art can become Therapy. Maybe when people embark on, or are persuaded to try making art when they’ve never been involved in art making before, it might become therapy. After all, anything which distracts the brain from endlessly churning around a serious problem gives relief. But if art has always been your refuge from the world, the inability to loose yourself in what has been your comfort zone is devastating. Basically, that’s what has happened to me. I desperately want to loose myself in painting but I can’t. Guilt and a little fear invades me when I try. My mind is constantly running through other things which I feel need my attention more than the canvas in front of me and I have to give up and return to what has become the new reality. I see time left as a diminishing space. There are things I want to achieve; lots of places I want to visit.
Recently I did try hard for just one day to ignore the voices in my head which tell me that I’m being selfish by pleasing myself. I painted for almost the entire day.
These two painting were the result. The man on the beach was actually a reworking which had begun to look too figurative. I was pleased with the looseness of this image.
Then went on to make a loose painting partly from memory of walking dogs with Chris, Karen and Henry across hilltops in Gloucestershire. The setting sun lit up the view across towards the River Severn. It was beautiful. I wanted to capture the atmosphere. Applying thick paint and resisting the temptation to overwork and blend the colours too much I think I came close to my goal. Next I looked again at an older painting of sharp light filtering through tree trunks which reflected on water. I liked the high horizon in this composition and soon began a second wider version of this hoping to recapture the same feeling.
It’s got a long way to go but I’m hoping if I can find a moment to recreate the mindset which everyone keeps telling me….’think of and look after yourself ‘I might manage a small step forward. But it remains to be seen if this is possible. Old behaviours and ways of reacting are ingrained deeply within us and when circumstances in life change it is incredibly difficult to learn new strategies and solutions.
