So very tired this morning. Workshop in a youth centre in Everton for Tate last night. A very challenging workshop in Everton last night.. a few glimpses of making progress, but mostly it fell flat.. partly down to me overestimating their confidence and rushing in to the task in hand, but also because there was no one there who knew the kids: the youth workers were just needed elsewhere. You can't just pop into these places and create masterpieces, relationships take so much time and insight (and training!!!).
I always spend hours getting these things ready and it's disheartening when it doesn't go to plan. If I plan sculpture I will need paint. Hoping to get blokes more involved last night with wire and pliars, I could've actually done with loads of jewellery making things as it was full of girls. Working at the Tate sidesteps these problems as there is a treasure trove of stuff round the corner, but going out somewhere, I will always have a slight fail. They are coming down to the Tate on Saturday so I hope that changes the dynamic somewhat.
This is how a lot of artists I know help fund themselves (not that being paid for one job should fund another – that still doesn't constitute getting paid) and it's an important role. Schools/youth clubs really need more connection with the arts, especially with professional artists who have their own practice and that can bring the conceptual and problem solving skills, not to mention confidence building. It's another way of showing what's possible, and to help find routes to prosperity. The youth club I was at last night has seen two teenagers fatally stabbed in the last six months; one was there for the first time and was only 15. It's just so sad, and seems quite helpless when you're stood brandishing a pencil and a bit of garden wire at a bunch of people who are pelting each other with anything to hand.
I was quite surprised at how much of a dent in my own confidence it made too – I came back and had a moan at my husband about the fact that I had a total fail. He was, as always, a real pragmatist and very supportive and encouraging. In my head I was going through my usual fraud complex and then started thinking that my own work wasn't any good etc etc. I did manage to give myself a good talking to, write an action list and I went to bed with no brain left.
In terms of money, it is well paid work (although there is almost always extra time put in), but there is a reason for that: it's bloody hard work! Perhaps a job in a coffee shop is a better option if you want any brain space left?
There is another session tonight at another youth centre down the road however, so I'd better suck it up and have a good think…….
