Linzblog: I’ve seen two amazing things this weekend and feel very lucky to be here.. Soap & Skin at the Cathedral on Sat night; a 19 year old Austrian girl who was just incredible and who I now have a huge crush on. Tonight, Willi Dorner’s Above, Under, Inbetween. Not only does this sound like a title I would give my work, it also involves using furniture and found things in a really clever playful way, so I was very keen to see it. Beautiful stuff that built up to a frantic end with furniture and the dancer’s bodies being used like the mouse trap game contraption and dominoes. I feel energised. I have also been exploring the building while staff are off and someone left the lift unlocked!! Uh oh.. this meant I could go into the attic – beautiful space, which we really need to use for the next exhibition.. now just to convince Holger.. hm.
Paidblog: A conversation in the pub last night highlighted for me something I never do much of -planning! One of the artists here, a photographer, often works with his girlfriend on jobs. He was saying how they have to be really honest about what they are doing/plan to do and also how they are going to achieve X,Y and Z (making money, getting better and building a rep I guess). I thought, hmm wait a minute.. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with myself about where I want to be and what I want to be doing in (number) months/years time. I tried to make a career plan quite recently, but wasn’t taking it – or myself – very seriously.
My head is full of these ideas and plans, but they are all shrouded in a (nice) grey mist and I can’t quite get a handle on any of it. Hence the panic when I arrived here I suppose. There is also the issue of being honest with yourself about what you are achieving..I always have a feeling with future things that they are mostly out of my control and the directions I take end up being decided by other people according to the opportunities I am offered. I’d like to change that a bit and I have already noticed that being booked for YSP from Sep – July has meant I have said no to things. Felt awful and like I was missing out at the time, but on reflection, they weren’t exactly right for my work and it was very good not to overload myself. I suppose I must have known they weren’t right otherwise I probably would have found a way to do them.
I also divulged all my insecurities to him, along with all feelings of intimidation I often experience and all cracks present in my being basically. It was good; he admitted to some similar feelings (not so many), but after that I felt less bothered: there’s not much left to hide!
