14th January
( http://schediosunrehearsed.blogspot.com/2010/01/14th-january.html )
Late night wavering….
I have a great job, which i adore, and keeps me afloat in more ways than purely financially… but the need to work and earn money/ be amongst lovely people… is increasingly eclipsing the need to spend time and energy devoted to the development of work and ideas… and though I live (well, sleep) beneath a heap of interesting art books, periodicals and materials…. somehow neither osmosis nor unconsciouss art making has taken place…
I’m afraid to check my emails, or the cat in the box that is facebook, because of the backlog of messages which are bound to be there… and things which need dealing with…. Just thinking coherently, in a straight forward way seems difficult at the moment… And i keep reading art magazines at work that leave me feeling increasingly disheartened/dispondent… either because I’m such a long way from ever making anything which will be noticed/valuable/dangerous/challenging… or because the ‘faddish’ nature of so much work makes me wonder how much of this is all a game?… And, honestly, even if I were au courant and genuinely knew how to play that game, I have never made a convincing ‘it’ girl… probably because the idea has always been just a little abhorrant…..
