I feel as though I’ve really been through the wringer this week.
One of my flatmates in London told me that he plans to move out at the end of May. Basically it means that I have to go back to London and find a new tenant. The news was like being hit with a massive lump of reality! I’ve been able to spend time in Stockholm because my house and mortgage was being taken care of. I rarely thought about what was happening in London and recently I’ve even allowed myself to think that I live in Stockholm now. Suddenly it felt like I was being pulled back – very much against my will!
A good friend here pointed out how my reaction to the news (feeling physically sick and unable to sleep for three days) could be an indication of where I really want to be. To be honest I’ve been avoiding the reality of my situation, and now I’m going to have to face up to it.
In one way the current situation is making think about where I want to be in the future and it’s made me realise that I really don’t have the resources to live in two countries.
I was looking forward to summer here, now it looks like I’ll be in London sorting out my flat and working to cover the short fall in rent. I hope that I can find someone I already know to take the room – I don’t like the idea of letting to a stranger and then leaving the country! It also feels very unfair to my other flatmate who’s been a wonderful tenant for nearly six years.
All this happened at the same time as I’m working on an application to study here!
Suddenly I have a lot of thinking to do …
