I have a recurring dream at present. More of a nightmare, actually. I am walking along a narrow path with a precipitous drop one side and an impassible wall/rock/hedge the other. I reach an obstacle which I have to edge around close to the abyss, and I retreat in panic or cry with terror at the prospect of the risk of falling.
Hmmm. Does this in any way relate to my fears of self-exposure in this project? It may well do, but one thing it certainly does is remind me of something I can’t afford to forget if this artwork is to really succeed. It reminds me I have to take the risk of falling/failing if I am not to end up with banal mediocrity. In some ways of course, I have already taken risks in that (as my earlier posts have noted) this unremitting very public daily exposure has already dragged me well outside my comfort zone.
But now I’ve come to terms with the whole public-struggle-explore-bit, it’s time to reflect rather more on the artwork itself. More particularly, in making the work, I need to be aware of whether I am falling off precipices or at least trying to edge past obtacles. And most important, ensure I don’t go backwards to find a safer way around what I’m trying to do. At this stage, nearly a month in, it seems to me it would be easy to start getting a bit complacent about the approach I take each day, and to settle into a safe routine of some sort.
I have set myself strict daily time limits (a maximum of 30 minutes to draw but preferably less) and each piece begins as an immediate and intuitive response to the self at the minute/moment in question. The danger with working rapidly and intuitively is that I may not take enough time to think creatively and innovatively about what I am doing. But if I think too much before drawing, I lose the concept of impulsive spontaneous response. The challenge over the coming weeks will be to find an appropriate balance between the two.
