Some Practicalities
On residencies: after a whirlwind tour I am now back and fully focused on my residency again. I have had a break, in part due to the need to attend to a family health related crisis – life is like that sometimes, tripping you up with unexpected bad bad news. In part though I have taken a break from my work here in order to focus on where I am going next…
Previously on projects I have managed to turn what looks like a good fee at the outset into a gaping debt by the end. I have usually 'achieved' this by failing to temper enthusiasm with some down to earth common sense thinking – that ensures ALL expenses incurred through a project are accounted for when laying out a budget plan.
I was a high achiever during my BA and MFA studies (as measured by grades), largely as a result of unrelenting and diligent hard work stretching into many long evenings and weekends, sustained consistently over a 6-year period. Naturally I continued this kind of 'work ethic' after graduation (and to be fair it is the kind of work ethic that nearly every artist I know subscribes too, and is not 'exceptional' in that sense).
Last year I had felt that my engines of creation had ground to a halt. With the breathing space and distance allowed by coming to Berlin, I can reflect that this slowdown came about through a failure on my part to provide a basic level of financial stability for myself. And that this happened through a "work really hard on this project and it will pay off financially later" type mentality.
(…actually, as I look at what I have written above, I realise I have been playing with my financial future as if I were "gambling" in a really bad game of poker!).
One area where this is acutely felt in residences is the associated costs created at the beginning and end of a project that need to be accounted for when laying out a spending plan. So for instance, to undertake this project in Berlin, I forfeited my lovely comfortable lodgings in Newcastle, and so had to 'move house' into temporary storage (my studio!). This of course took up time which could be spent working (and earning), as well as resources for van hire, assistance etc.
And as I approach the end of my project I now have a new set of costs to account for – a deposit and one months rent up front on a new place, removal costs (once again…!) and the cost of living in a B&B for a while until I find somewhere to live – after all I want to take the time to find a 'home' rather than having to leap at the first thing that comes up…
All of which is a part of the financial cost to me of undertaking this project.
I was determined at the outset not repeat past mistakes, as I have realised that my former modus operandi was making my practice unstable and unsustainable in the long term. So I have also taken a break from my work here to do research and make heaps of applications, ensuring this residency runs straight into the 'next thing' with as short a gap as is possible.
I would never have made such allowances before and have often emerged after an intense completion of project / exhibition / do project report and final budget to hand to funders phase (which ALWAYS takes longer and costs more than expected!) only to find that I am completely broke and exhausted – which is never a good space to be in when looking for the next thing.
The good news is that as an artist developing my practice, I have probably made absolutely every mistake in the book (and created some new chapters of my own!). For instance it took me ages to visit the a-n fees calculator and it was a shock to see in "bare faced can't lie to myself anymore figures" the disparity between the rates I was charging, and what my expenses as an artist ACTUALLY are.
Ever optimistic – that I have made all of these mistakes is actually good news as when I finally 'get it right' I will really know how I did it, and will really know the consequences of doing things otherwise, and so can make an informed choice about not doing the same again.
My applications frenzy has (still despite all I have said above about residencies…) included residencies, freelance projects with communities and further study (MPhil) etc. The one I have chosen to go ahead with is a part time salaried post (with a-n) in London.
I feel happy with this choice in more ways than one: I have for some time now wanted to 'give London a go': despite warnings from refugees of the London arts scene I have met here in Berlin about high costs of living!
I also have a good circle of friends in London, and my move coincides with several of my peers from around the country relocating there – I am looking forward to possible reacquaintences and associated new doorways opening.
And part of my new job (to commence in October) happily involves visiting the Newcastle office once a month, enabling me to maintain connections in the region where I have lived and practiced for the last 6 years.
And finally in London I am only a cheap flight away from Berlin and I would really like to expand further my blog of Berlin galleries…
http://englishspeakingartistsinberlin.blogspot.com/
…as well as cultivating connections that arise from the final stages of my residency (see my next post…).
I am looking forward to a phase of developing my practice with the backup of a good salary, so that I don't 'need' to take freelance work for a while and can exercise more choice over what I do – and more importantly – do not do.
I also think about Guido, the East German hunter I have been accompanying (see other posts!) and what I might be learning from him. He hunts several times a week, making only a few catches per year, spending much of his time simply watching and waiting.
Watching and waiting with him I have considered that part of the problem of my former strategies has been that they have lacked any long term thinking – instead working on intense short burst projects and quickly moving on to the next thing, with too much effort and energy focused on "the kill" and not enough time to simply 'be' and enjoy the journey. I like to think that I might be entering a new phase of development with a rhythm similar to that of Guido's when he is hunting.
I wonder how different my work may look by doing this? How much has it been inadvertently shaped by the circumstances I have created for my work – as vivdly as if I had chosen to work with wax instead of bronze?
All of the above might sound like a whinge about residencies and a project that I know several of my peers in the NE would have given their eye / teeth to do. And I acknowledge that it is a short term residency that has allowed me this time to reflect in more depth on my long term future. Am I being 'ungrateful' by publicly reflecting on these things, on the downsides of a good opportunity? I don't think so – these are the realities of being an artist and they need to be talked about.
(Images shown developed from video footage supported by Allenheads Contemporary Arts Centre April 2007 http://www.acart.org.uk)
