A Portrait of an Artist as a Very Late Starter

In the end, at the beginning of the week, I cut my roll of Chinese paper with a fine hacksaw blade; it worked, although the remainder of the roll is a little squashed by the pressure I had to apply to hold it while I hacksawed like mad at the other end.  The edge is a little bit fluffy, but I think this will hardly notice once I have worked on the paper.  At one stage I had to stop sawing because there was an ominous smell of smoldering paper; it had not occurred to me that the friction might set the whole lot alight!  I tried it in the slot of the ballot box today.  I had a measurement of 12.5 cm in my head.  The roll of toilet paper I used as a mock up is actually 10 cm wide, so where did I get 12.5 cm from?  I was horrified!  Fortunately, my roll fits comfortably, so perhaps I had measured the slot width instead.  Anyhow, it don’t matter cos it fits and it will work.  Huzzah!

3c today.  I have been skulking indoors for most of the week, emotionally worn down by the pressure caused by working for the anti fracking cause.  I found I couldn’t concentrate on anything, apart from a crochet project I started just after Christmas, which will be presents for family at the next festivities!  Hardly fine art, but it was soothing; something about repetitious action is deeply consoling.

In my worried and miserable state I gave myself a talking to yesterday and as a result, with lots of struggle, I was up early this morning and after talking to a few villagers about attending an important meeting tomorrow evening, I was ready for some work in the studio.

I lasted 2 hours.  It is so cold and damp, nothing is drying and I cannot be still for too long before I become numb and seize up.  However, I managed to add another layer to two studies on paper I have been working on.  I also collected some things together to enable me to continue working at home, where it is warmer.  I have some lino to work on, and a couple of sketch books.  I found a small empty sketch book that I am going to use to jot down the ideas for this project as I progress.  A kind of visual diary cum recipe book.  I will need to start work in earnest next week.

I have made some designs to send to Thermofax Screens, I want to combine relief printmaking techniques with drawing and silk screen and create one very long narrow piece that will emerge from my ballot box and loop up and down from the ceiling.

I can feel my enthusiasm returning; just being in my studio for a short while gives me renewed strength and sense of purpose.

I have done it!  After agonising over my role on the committee of Ryedale ArtWorks for six months or so, I have finally resigned.  I need more time to myself in the studio, plus; fighting fracking up here is getting more serious.  I can’t have more than one other thing in my life that demands my attention and it is time for some other artist members of RAW to step up and take responsibility for their organisation.  I have worked for four years on their behalf so it is time for a break.  I feel hugely relieved now that I have taken this step.

After spending the morning demonstrating in the cold at the entrance of Third Energy’s private road in Knapton, I simply could not face the freezing studio so have been doing some more research for my ballot box in the warm.  I have a lot to do in quite a short time, so I’ll keep you posted!

It was 4c today up here; I didn’t get to the studio until about 11.30 by the time I had found my extra scarf, painty fleece, hat etc.

There was evidence of mice when I finally got inside having battled with the swollen wooden door; the damp is such a pain and I fret constantly about having paper out there in my plans chest.  I have kept the best stuff in the plastic bags it comes in, which is just as well because the drawers are all so swollen I can’t shut them properly and dust and dirt creates a film over everything.  As for mice, we have them as home at well, and it is very difficult to get rid of them, I hate the damage they do.  Talk about the artist in her frozen garret!

3 tasks today: postcards for Surface Gallery, getting to grips with the ballot box, working on a piece on paper that I left pinned to the wall before Christmas.

I tend to have several things on the go at once when I am working; everything relates to everything else and I like the way one set of work can inform another.  Plus, it stops me wasting time, waiting for something to dry; I just move across to another piece.

It was just as well I had three things to work on today as it was so damp my thickly applied acrylic on the postcards simply refused to dry for the entire session!  I sloshed some white emulsion mixed with acrylic matt medium and water over the paper piece on the wall and then applied some white acrylic drippily on top a bit later; I’ll continue to draw and slosh paint onto this until I achieve the kind of surface/meaning I look for.  I have no idea what this will look like at the end and I am lately toying with using oil bars to draw into the works with.  In fact, I have been toying with the idea of switching to using oils for a bit, so that I can incorporate drawing with oil bars and applying more washy paint on top, building layers, but not sure I can afford to buy oil paints as well as the acrylics I am running out of. . .

Whilst sloshing the thin paint onto paper the ballot box was in my peripheral vision.  I tried not to panic.

A quick lunch of reheated soup from last night using my bargain microwave.  I am so glad to be able to heat food up out there!  After a warm by my calor heater, I approached the ballot box with my camera. . . . .

I took lots of photos.  The posting slot is much narrower than I had envisaged, even though I have always voted, I couldn’t remember how big the opening is.  In fact, a roll of toilet tissue fits perfectly, bringing to mind an interesting metaphor of shit.  We are rooted in the mud/shit, yet aspire to the stars.  The old dualism that I have been fascinated with since uni is always there, T J Clark’s essay The Mud and the Sheen brought sharply back into focus.

The box is black and apparently they were always given a new coat of paint before each election.  My painter brain instinctively loving this association of layers.

• Black Box
• White Paper
• Black words
• Black Marks

• Don’t keep us locked down
• Don’t keep us silent
• Don’t stop us contributing
• Don’t ignore our wishes
• Don’t ignore us
• Don’t ignore the facts
• Don’t deny the joy

I quite like the way the narrow strip of loo paper I used to try out the idea catches the light.  I intend to use Chinese paper because of its translucent quality and strength.  Using narrower paper will mean a smaller area to cover and therefor less work in that sense.  How long to make the roll?  How to loop/suspend the work?

Shall I produce an accompanying artists’ book with notes about my thought processes if I have time?  I like this idea.  I need to decide which format book to make.  More research.  Shall I produce it in a very limited edition for sale?  Again, I like this.

• Stream of consciousness
• Words, thoughts
• Counting – tally marks
• Repetition
• Quotes; Suffrage, George Orwell, others

How to cut my roll of Chinese paper to size accurately?  Would it be possible to cut the roll through without tearing the edges?  If so, how?  Would a print company’s guillotine be able to do this?

More research required.