Saturday 28th
Feel kind of empty today? Been working so hard recently its time for a rest. Do a few drawings on the computer, a small amount of writing then go for a walk. Watch some films later, just to let someone else do the 'picture' work….
Haunted this week: cant get one picture out of my head and its like a slomo flashback during a film. Out, one morning, i watched a 'woman fall'. I was to far away to stop it, her legs buckled and she just fell like a 'demolidhed building', just sinking into the ground. Trouble is she looked at me right in the eyes as she did. Her expression of supprise sharply changed to a 'grimace' of pain, but all in slow motion. 'Eye to eye' contact is normally a strange possibility for someone with 'aspergers' and sposedly a very intimate experience. Allwas quiet, it blocked everything else out but she then 'broke' contact, broke the 'spell' an 'atachment' as she hit the ground and the 'world' shouted back…became apparent and very loud. Rain-traffic- Noise…NoiZe! Found it very disturbing but also calming. She was alright, just shaken but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her the connection had been so intense.
'Look into my eyes', maybe it true that can be more intense than touch? ?
couldn't sleep so many ideas but not enough time or words to record them before they slip away, out of my reach when i eventually drop off.
Friday 27th
Interesting day.
Spend some of it with KG, fellow CIBAS creative champion. We sit, discuss, create and evolve ideas to-wards a collaborative project to do with her (fab) jewelery practice. (watch this space) Am able to help with some sound editing issues and software and maybe some illustration for her. We bounce ideas and am able to share about the 'new body' of work i am developing. This is a stripping back, an 'Unisolation', artists cant work in isolation, i used too, yet another life-lesson. Somehow and ironically these journeys always lead back to 'geological layering'.
I feel 'safe' connecting my ideas with a few select people now, K (and S) being one, i respect their feedback and honesty as stops you developing dead ends and from become 'insular' ( a polite way of saying 'up yourself!)and keeps you in check. This is like 'oxygen' to me, was self-taught to shy away from this contact, all connected to those imposed self-image issues that i continue to work through and wrestle with, but i find that this openness is the way forward. Exciting too as again you never know the way the work or collaborations will progress…..'need to breathe'
Drenched walking home…. ideas don't keep you dry
Thursday 26th
Late night last night so slow start today. Important meeting at 11 about a residency application. Work on an application illustration then walk into the university. Meet with the Dean of Technology about application. Goes really well and the residency outline is sorted. Come away allot happier now i know what is expected on both sides. Felt welcome.
Spend rest of morning , early afternoon preparing as i have important interview at gallery. Pouring down so leave early so i can dry out after arriving, before meeting with the gallery director and exhibitions manager. We sit and chat for a while, goes well and i explain initial submission idea, learn a valuable lesson about experimentation and 'process'. I go with the project that i feel for me is the most different to what i have done before and secure a commitment to be shown at some point in 2008. Really great as this gives me the opportunity to develop and experiment. Learn the difference between an 'open' submission and developing a working relationship that doesn't revolve around a 'fixed outcome'. They acknowledge how far Ive come and the hard work this has taken especially being 'seen', something i have always hidden from. Feel my practice is 'trusted', not a feeling that has often made its presence known until recently.
Stay for the 'artist talk' and then chat with gallery staff and other artist. Invited out after with some of the staff and artists and my DADAR is proved 'so right' again, so don't get in till 12 again……
p.s. Well done FF on your new adventure……
Wednesday 25th
Tired, its starting to catch up with me. Spend the morning writing an application for Aspex open submission, Emergency 3. Will put this in next week as haven't finished by the time i have to leave (interruptions again!) to head to Brighton. Join the train at Fratton, its quite full so find seat and settle. Am mistaken by conductor for a Rail worker investigating the 'annoying whistle' in that particular carriage. Explain I'm not and talk about AP. Trouble is after he has gone there is an 'annoying whistle' all be it intermittent that i hadn't noticed before. Now i do and it stands out… almost 'tinnitus' in its intrusive presence once noticed, ironic as this is one of the projects i am working on. (Pedantically i notice this noise is hovering around E whereas 'my tinnitus' is B flat )
Thankfully distracted, as i notice red and white granite stones newly laid between the lines from Nutbourne station on-wards. Later this is covered up by a very noisy child who insists on screaming, can't win….
Arrive in Brighton (with headache) and unusually promptly get lost looking for the Gallery, The Lighthouse. Embarrassingly i have to ring and soon find the gallery down near the ACE:SE office. I have come to meet with Dada South and to the showing of a new video work by Sabine Gruhn called 'Nonsense on stilts'. This was a 'go make' commission funded by ACE and commissioned by Dada South and the Lighthouse-Brighton. Catch up with all the Dada staff earlier and with ACE/ Art Plus staff and friends during the evening. The Installation showing is really moving and imaginative and this is followed by the artist talking about her work. Exciting and mainstream….
Informed during the evening that a 'major' gallery have kept one of my interventions on permanent show since i left it back in March. Excited, makes a change from them getting stolen, not that I mind that either. Catch last train home to Portsmouth, mostly uneventful although do chat with one passenger about his life 'journey'.
Tuesday 24th
Big day…. Have two 'interviews'. One is a presentation of Alternative platform to 2 senior managers of a rail company i wish to work with and for a 'Dada Exchange' position, both in London.
At least no rain and the train to East Croyden is relatively empty and quiet enabling me to Transfer the presentation into a 'memory journey' and sit back. Did a bit of writing first about last night but have only managed to make myself feel 'seasick', not a great start. Get to EC very early so take a look around. When i Lived in London i never managed to get down here. Checked out the warehouse-theater, SDC had had a production there the previous month. Soon time to present and am made very comfortable to do so and it goes very well. Will wait to hear……how we commence the collaboration.
Next head up to London bridge for the Dada Exchange interview which also seems to go well. Will not hear till next week though so more waiting. Dada South have always enabled me as an artist with 'complications' in all i have tried to achieve in the last 2yrs, without their understanding, presence and ACE:SE backing the south east would be 'colder' place for us 'complicated' people. Enabling doesn't mean 'doing it for you' nor 'holding my hand' its just 'confidence' and support. DADA Corks……
Dare to return via LB but train home full so i sit and 'people watch' guessing their stories……..Notice that there seems to be allot of yellow in this carriage, creating a slight 'interference noise' that intrudes slightly into the ideas and conversations i am planing.
