Being Home
As soon as you begin your return journey, you just want to be home. The train journey to the airport was sad – i can’t think of a better word, it was dark, cold and raining for the first time during my stay. I listened to my brash english music on my ipod and sat on a hard plastic chair in Tampere airport, waiting, and feeling very distant, physically and mentally from England.
There i was in Stansted airport again, as if no time had passed since i was last there. It was 1am, and people were asleep across benches and on the floor like nomads with all their belongings being used as pillows and blankets. The entire airport was quiet and sleepy – people were just waiting for their connecting flights or national express coaches like me, filling the time.
I have been home for a week and a half now. There has been plenty to keep me busy; my running is getting better (thanks to Lisa’s tips), im working in my sketchbook more, reading and researching about other artists and seriously thinking about performance art and how this can move my practice forward. Last weekend i went to the Art Book sale at the Whitechapel and serendipitously attended a lecture by Claire Doherty about Situation Specific art, which was incredibly academic, and therefore i loved it (i am an art geek). I have a few things to work towards; Christmas Open Studios, works to send to Riitta and mainly a group show at Landguard Fort in August on the theme of “readiness” or “waiting”, something that requires a lot of research and sensitivity. Performance art is very much on my mind, and feels like the most immediate medium to express most of my ideas. I never expected the Ars Hame to cause such an advancement in my practice, i have a lot to be thankful for.
But the hard thing is that i miss Finland; its crisp autumn air, the space, luminous light and sensitive people very much. I miss being a full time artist and being surrounded constantly by other creative types. Everyone in England is so loud, and they mostly are saying meaningless things. In Finland, as i did not speak the language, things were going on around me and i could tune out and stay focused. Here, i can hear everything – and it is very distracting. There is no sensitivity or sincerity in all these loud words being spoken at me. I miss the sincerity an awful lot.
Im not moaning, honest – i just now know what i am missing, and i want it back.
