#alwayson is a series of text pieces by Trevor H Smith, this being the third.
“I’m not documenting my life, I’m documenting a life.”
“A good portion of people within Western culture at least, would still firmly identify with statements such as ‘I am who I am’, ‘I was born the way I am’, or that there is a ‘real me’…So ingrained in us are the fundamental assumptions of personhood that to challenge them often seems threatening or insulting”[1]
As long as it looks like I’m trying to find myself, through methods of performance and construction, then I am the embodiment of authenticity.
I tried private introspection and found nothing. I find my truth in conspicuous introspection: in public forums where I can speculate wildly, and allow my readers to tell me which of my generalisations applies to me.
This is not about my impression of life, or how it should be lived, it’s about how I want others to react to what appears to be my life. I’m in a room with everyone I know, and everyone is talking, but the only voice that matters is mine. Online I present myself with honour and integrity; I stand up for the beliefs I ought to stand up for; I advocate the moral code that we all want to adopt.
“Rather than portraying a decentred, fragmented, disembodied self, personal homepages are actually attempts at identity integration by demonstrating to others what is important to the individual”[2]
“For those enticed and seduced by the new individualism, the danger of self-reinvention is a form of change so rapid and so complete that identity becomes disposable. Instead of finding ourselves, we lose ourselves.”[3]
If he takes a wrong turn he can delete himself and start again; try something different. He has infinite lives here; and can start afresh from an infinite number of saved locations.
“I hover overhead, looking over my own shoulder, watching my life in real-time. Processing my experience as I live it, I filter out all but the very best moments. I mine the essence of my selfhood, and present a working playlist of nothing but hits.”
He knows that when his images enter reality, they take on their own meaning, and in themselves become reality.
I needed to up my game. My friends were beginning to look better – more real – than I did. I realised I was no longer in competition with them, but that I was now competing with their image.
AS REAL IS REAL
[1] Vincent Miller, Understanding Digital Culture, Sage, 2011, p160
[2] Vincent Miller, Understanding Digital Culture, Sage, 2011, p166
[3] Anthony Elliott, Concepts of the Self, Polity, 2008, p160
