Body Talks (2/2)
This time around I’m struggling with the meaning of the project itself. It seems to do all with the description of my original ideas. When I filled the application I wrote a quick brief about exploring the themes ageism, mid-life crisis, of not being in control of the time passing by and how the body reacts to these changes. I wrote the brief in the spur of the moment as these themes are very personal to me and it pretty much felt like an idea of a solo performance. Except that I described it as a piece performed by others and directed by myself!?
All was decided 3 months ago, around November – December 09 and 3 months later I’m in complete different state of mind. I’m not that interested in these themes anymore but more drawn to exploring Men’s perception of their body at different age milestones and how it impacts on the image they have of themselves, their sexual persona and their social behaviour.
While I feel quite satisfied about this change of direction, I’m still not feeling confident with the delivery of Body talks. I suppose because I’m moving at two different speeds all at once. The project is scheduled for 3 nights in between march 22nd and 26th and so I shall by now have a clear idea of its structure, of the performers I want to work with, of what the piece will look like and how to market it. But I don’t!
3 weeks ago I spent a couple of days making a timeline of what needed to be done and on paper the plan is very solid although requiring a lot of work to be done in a such small timescale. I’ve started get through my to list and I’m getting some results but I’m still unsure it’s working the way I’d like it to work. At this stage my personal feeling about it all I’m pretty much running the project in reverse. I’m still having the habit of putting together a theatre production and it doesn’t match with the way I feel like to conceive this piece.
I like the fact the work comes to fruition as I go along, allowing the changes to occur, myself to go back and forth as I experiment with new ideas on the way. Sticking to a clear idea so quick so soon seems to kill my ability to be creative, or at least to be excited about the work I’m about to make. This creative freedom, in an ideal world, is pure bliss but then how am I suppose to start properly working on a piece which involve other performers if I can’t stick to the ideas I’ve got? How am I supposed to market it efficiently if all comes together few days before the first day of the show? There’d be no need to ask these questions if the work wasn’t going public and no money was involved. But – and fortunately so – it does require a public and the costs need to be matched!
How am I going to make it all work? I still have no idea!?? Taking a break from the project felt very good today and while I know deep down I have to stick to the delivery plan I made somehow, perhaps I should just jump in the unknown and let my instinct guide me for now. And that’s me being all cryptic again…
Body Talks (1/2)
I feel like I’m currently running for a train I’ll never manage to catch! I’ve started to work on Body Talks nearly 3 weeks ago and in all logic I should have started to blog about it around the same time. But, I always pushed it back. I guess the simple reason of why I took so long to start the blog is because I’m not used to talk about my work. As much as I feel like to share thoughts about my work sometimes through my other profiles on Myspace, Facebook and Twitter, I find the prospective of it to be a daunting experience. So I usually end up being all cryptic about it as only close friends seem to be able to read between the lines and get what I meant. Therefore writing this blog is going to be quite challenging, hoping though it’d be as exciting I think it could be.
There’s no particular reason why I chose today to start blogging about body Talks. It actually came naturally. Today feels like I need a break from the whole project and so it made sense to me to reflect on it for a moment. Perhaps it’ll help easing the pressure I’ve put on myself. Indeed, I’m not pleased with how the project is turning right now, feeling quite frustrated about it and not really enjoying working on it so far. First I don’t seem being able to give a clear explanation of what the project is actually about while I’ve got a clear picture of it in my mind. I met a performer yesterday who is potentially getting involved in the project and trying to give him an idea of what the project is about in a few points was such a mission! I rambled myself through it, confusing on various occasions the young man! He eventually got the general idea but it doesn’t give me much hope in the future to make this new adventure a creatively fulfilling and successful experience…
This is not my first moment of doubts. Even though I liked the idea of working on a new project, as I was applying to the Albany to be part of the Director’s Lab season I’ve never fully been enthusiastic about the idea. Initially I took this opportunity to test new ideas of making work and so to find out what sort of audience my work attracts and where does it sits within the various scenes I’m connected to. However deep down I thought it might be too soon and the break I was in should have lasted a bit longer. Then, I was a bit frown by the space they offered me. Their Lab season is hosted in their Performance Studio space but they also opened it to the Red Room. In their virtual tour, the Red Room looked much more spacious, its shape much more inspirational for the ideas I put forward in my application than the Studio space – your regular theatre Black box with wooden floor! The reality of the space was miles away from the cyber alternative look it projected – it is basically a standard meeting room which happens to have some rigged lights, black curtains and a tech spot with a triangular shape. After viewing the Red Room, my first reaction was to reject the Albany’s offer. However I quickly saw it as an interesting challenge as to find a way to define this piece in relation to the space it will evolve in. And since then ideas have been flying!!!
