My five-week residence uplifted and daunted me. Understanding culture differences was probably the hardest thing for me to deal with. Repulsion to touch, smell and see. Unfamiliar tastes and noise repelled and disturbed me from the environment at the worst of times. The best way to deal with these difficulties was to just get on with what I had to do; get up, eat, work, smoke and drink beer. If I didn’t like what I saw then I didn’t look. If I didn’t like the smell then I held my nose. I soon found myself behaving more and more like the Chinese; spitting, making nasal sounds, eating everything and with my mouth open! If you can’t beat them join them.
Actually getting down to do what I needed to do was not always straightforward. Pressures from myself about the Arts Council, the blog and the residency began to paralyse me. Every time I was in my studio I felt like I should have been outside ‘seeing Chongqing’ and every time I was ‘seeing Chongqing’ I felt like I should have been in my studio. I struggled to juggle them for a while until I realised that I was the one creating the paradox. So I stopped blogging and e-mailing. I stopped thinking about the Arts Council and everybody and started to think about what I wanted to do. Very quickly everything came together. It was incredible! I realised that there is no right or wrong and to fail is a good way to start. It was very liberating.
