Central Saint Martins, UAL

7 days in and I have only just come up for air… It’s been pretty full on actually. There was no need to worry about studio space, I didn’t need to move and was able to get started painting right away. I sorted out a coping strategy for the first week – I had some unfinished works hanging around from Zurich and decided that I would get on and do these. It has meant that I haven’t been dithering around looking for focus and wasting time – as it’s so easy to do when you just get back and you’re trying to get geared up. It’s been good to just start painting and free my mind to think while doing so, free to plan the steps I need to take next.

I started as I mean to go on – getting my documentation going, it’s more a reflective diary, which holds my thought processes as I’m going along as well as capturing images of my work in progress, handouts and anything else that seems relevant to me at the time. I used to try and keep work and thinking separate but there was so much overlap and it felt very strained, now I just go for one book with it altogether.

So that was last week, I’m a bit behind as I’d planned to get the three paintings finished. A bit ambitious I know, but probably do-able if I hadn’t skipped Friday to go sailing. This week started with an all day tutorial/critique yesterday, it is always really good to get to know the tutor and group dynamics. It’s always a long day, trying to stay focussed and give the people at the end of the day the same enthusiasm as those at the beginning of the day.

My crit was mixed. As I was in the process of creating work I have effectively moved on from, I had to explain what I was doing and where my thinking was going: that I want to explore process and surface more this term, experiment with medium thickness and application; consider using Perspex more, glass, aluminium, nylon – in fact any surface that is reflective and/or transparent. The conversation seemed to focus on my application of colour and use of ground, and I didn’t fully understand what the tutor was implying – am I doing it wrong? Is it possible to be wrong? How do I figure this out and make informed decisions to rectify or work with it? I have some experimenting to do and see what comes of that, then further discussion in a 1-2-1 session in a couple of weeks…. Although known to me I’ve never worked with this tutor before, so there will be some getting used to I’m sure. The main thing is to keep pushing, keep trying to move forward, not to feel pushed back myself.

Well, well, well, its October already! And it’s all go! go! go! I had a great time in France last week, lots of cheese, wine, fresh air, cycling, canoeing, relaxing …. just what I needed. This week has flown in. Went into Uni on Monday to meet up with a fellow student and check out studio space in preparation for the big start. With Uni being in the heart of London, just off Oxford St in fact, space is at a premium and always an issue at the start of each year. It’s tough because everyone wants space, but it’s not always utilized to the full. So those who do make the most of it often feel frustrated that they are squeezed into an allotted amount while others are never in and there’s are lying empty. But c’est la vie! The important thing is not to let anything get in the way of a great year and if that means compromise then that’s the name of the game.

I think I’ve had a bit of an epiphany this week, and I am starting back really relaxed. The other thing my friend and I did on Monday was chat through and about each other’s dissertation, what we’ve done so far. I’ve really missed these kinds of discussions with it being the holidays.

I initially felt very inadequate and “oh, woe is me”. But after a further chat with a non-art friend on Tuesday I decided this wasn’t the way to be. If I don’t believe I can do it then I won’t be able to. “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you are right” (Henry Ford)

It got me thinking and now I’ve turned over a new leaf. I am on a campaign of self-belief and self-actualization.

It’s paying off already. I spent Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday on my dissertation and made a lot of progress. I’m stoked.

Thursday was enrolment day. It was great to see everyone again, though I only managed to speak to a fraction of them. It has been a while, what with having spent half of last year on exchange in Zurich!

I took some tools in and some work ready for starting in earnest on Monday. We have ‘studio allocation’ on Tuesday so I may have to move again, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I also went along with another friend to the Royal Academy to see Anish Kapoor’s exhibition. Loved it! Loved the colour and the form and it’s so amazing to see the works in the flesh.

The next few days are going to be a bit up in the air but I’m really glad to be back and raring to go.

A question – does anyone know a blind person who would be interested in having his or her portrait painted – A fellow student is having a hard time sourcing a subject, as he doesn’t personally know anyone who is blind.

Seems ages since I blogged last. Don’t know where the time has gone. I have spent the morning on the internet booking a holiday for tomorrow/next week. Wasn’t sure I was going to go, depended on if I got my dissertation finished or not (a draft that is). I haven’t, but I have written quite a bit, not all comprehendible but enough that the panic has subsided.

The way I see it is this: it’s the penultimate week before a very tough year begins and I’ve been at this research and writing malarkey all summer. If I don’t take a break then I might not last the pace. It’s only a week, and maybe it will be good for the brain, help un-jumble my thoughts, clarify my direction. It’s also for my husband; we can’t go away in term time, so it’ll have to be now or not at all, till xmas. He deserves a break too… so we’re off to France. Our usual cheapy: get a midnight ferry and drive through the night till the sun is out and the temperature sores… we’ve booked a cottage this time rather than camping. Should be good.

This has been a good week actually, apart from post festival colds etc.. I think I’ve achieved quite a bit. I’m making progress with my dissertation – I’ve actually climbed over the summit, ploughed through enough research and have finally started the descent, I’m writing! It’s a really good feeling; I’d promised myself if I had a good day again today my reward was time out to write my blog :O)

I took Thursday off too, to go and see some exhibitions with a college friend, and catch up of course. We took in ‘Exquisite Bodies’ at the Wellcome Collection and a couple of MA shows: our colleges and Chelsea’s. I always find MA shows interesting, as the body of work is always completely different to a BA shows. I’m not sure why that is. Is it because the student body tends to be made up of older students? Here’s a question: does anyone know what proportion of students on an MA are straight off a BA, or have had only a short break (say one year), and what proportion of students have had a substantial break doing other work – be it as an artist, in an artistic field or a an other? Does it matter?

I’ve seen quite a few MA shows over the past few years but now is the time to seriously consider whether that’s a route I should be taking next and if so should it be straight away?! Being a mature student already I probably don’t want to leave it too long if I think its worthwhile. Then there are other questions: Where should I consider? A one year course or two? Will I indeed have a choice?…. So I’ve booked myself on some open days just to find out more…

I haven’t actually started my new paintings yet, but I have done all the prep work and am in a good place to get cracking on them, so I might have something to share with you soon. I should really get my thinking cap on too, with regards to what direction and focus I might want my work to take this coming year – we have to submit study proposals the first week back, yikes, its all pretty real..

A new day, a new month, and if I think time is moving scarily fast now, I can’t imagine how much it’s going to accelerate, and soon.

I’ve had a break for a few days – Reading Festival, it was awesome, before you ask – but you know it’s really weird. We’re all familiar with the old saying “all work and no play…” but it doesn’t stop you feeling guilty. I know I need time to internalize my thoughts and ideas. I need time away, not consciously thinking about my work, in order to get the best results… and yet… all I end up doing is putting myself through guilt trips thinking what I could have done with those few days…

Take this summer for instance, I know this coming year is going to be tough, I know I should enjoy the summer break, get well rested, and prepare mind and body for the big finale. But then as always life is never that simple! I need to get my dissertation drafted in these next four weeks, more than drafted really, cause the final deadline is January 15^th, straight after xmas break. Big problem! (a) I want to give this term all my headspace, and (b) over the xmas break I’m off gallivanting to NZ. Yes I know, big risk, but it shouldn’t be really. Should be easy right, I have plenty of time to get research done, get 6,500 words written, relax and enjoy this next term. Then I can look at the xmas break as my belated summer break. Job done!

Least that’s what I’m constantly trying to convince myself. My dissertation is still very much in the planning stages at present, but “don’t panic” is my motto and I’ll get there I’m sure. I’m looking at painting, photography and the portrait and am currently getting my head around Freud and Lacan. The mirror stage, the role of artist/sitter and viewer… I’ll keep you posted on my progress, mind you blog-silence should speak volumes I’ve no doubt.

The thing is, English or should I say essay writing isn’t my forte and I find all this art writing, while really worthwhile, very hit and miss, very subjective. I haven’t figured out the winning formula yet, if indeed there is one. Give me logic any day of the week, right or wrong, that I can handle – my previous lives were pretty mathematical.

I will get some painting done too, if I plan my days right; don’t spend too much frivolous time on Facebook for instance. I’m looking at a new series of paintings of children; I am intrigued by the notion of “visible gender”. By that I mean, when a baby is born, invariably as an onlooker you wouldn’t know that it was a boy or a girl without all the societal norms that are put in place from the off, the clues that help you decipher: pink/blue clothes; toys; hair length and styles… tbc…