As with so many things it can be easier to start with what coaching isn’t and put it into context with other learning activities.
Coaching isn’t teaching but is a learning experience. In teaching, the teacher, tutor, lecturer is seen as the expert, communicating and sharing knowledge. Teachers help the learner to develop skills and knowledge needed to meet assessment criteria set by a qualification body.
When someone wants to work with a mentor, they usually choose someone more experienced than themselves, someone with the knowledge sets they want to tap into. The agenda and focus is set by the mentee but the mentor may have some suggestions to make; topics, subjects and / or approaches the mentee is not aware of yet. The most beneficial mentoring takes place when mentor and mentee work in the same field so knowledge can be again shared. Both mentor and mentee will be able to evaluate if the mentoring is working or producing the desired effects.
In coaching the agenda is completely set by the coachee; they decide on the topics and subjects and through open questioning from the coach the coachee works towards identifying a goal to work towards. The coachee holds the ‘expert’ position and as such the coach does not need to understand the topic, profession or goal of the coachee. This may sound rather unusual, but as the coach will not be offering advice (only in exceptional circumstances) they don’t need to hold any relevant knowledge other than of the coaching process itself. The coach holds and facilitates a space where focused thinking can happen.
So what can you expect in a coaching session?
A coaching session or series of sessions can be in person, via telephone or Skype. In the first part of the session the coach will cover a basic introduction:
- Time: What time is allocated to the coaching session. This can vary depending on what the coach and coachee have agreed. Up to an hour is a common time frame, but also shorter sessions can be useful.
- Comfortable: Are you sitting comfortably, do you need / have a drink of water. If working via Skype is the internet connection good and the audio levels OK?
- Contract: How many sessions are there and which session this is e.g session 4 of 6. Payment details: how much the session costs and when and how payment is expected.
- Choice: As coachee you are reminded you can say no to any question you don’t want to answer or to ask for a different question. You can also call a pause or a stop to a session.
- Confidentiality: Sessions are confidential, exceptions to this will be explained. Supervision will also be briefly covered.
There is always an opportunity to ask questions after the introduction. It may feel repetitive to hear this information at the start of each session but it can be a useful reminder and also helps with the transition between everyday life and the coaching session itself.
Coaching then starts with ‘What would you like to get out of the session? The coach uses a series of open questions which help the coachee to explore and visualise a future goal. Coaching is focused on “how would I like it to be” or future visioning. If it’s a second or subsequent session the coach will use the start of the session to invite the coachee to review previous actions they said they would do. It may be the coachee hasn’t completed the actions, the coach will explore this with the coachee without judgement.
One approach used in coaching is the GROW model devised by John Whitmore. There are 4 sets of questions which can help a coachee to:
- identify a goal(s) to work towards
- talk about the reality of the situation / in relation to the goal(s)
- explore the options open to them
- what they will do to help themselves to achieve their goal(s).
It’s worth re-stating the coach isn’t there to give advice. The difficulty with advice is that when it given we can never know the full circumstances of the person we are giving advice to and therefore it can be difficult to assess its relevance.
In today’s world of busy schedules and multitasking lives, having a space to think, and importantly time to say things out loud and be heard has great value. The best coaches are expert at deep listening, so when you speak you really are being heard. When a coach reflects back what you have been saying we hear ourselves. This can make for a powerful experience as we hear the things we have said about topics or goals we might never have spoken about before. Coaching isn’t like a conversation we might have with a friend or colleague at work. It’s one sided in many ways, with all the content and focus comes from the coachee; they are after all expert in their own lives.
