Since applying, and being accepted on an MA Fine Art course, commencing at the end of September, there has been a feeling of being "on hold". The desire to create new work has become an increasingly tentative process to the point at which now, my practice has come to a perfect standstill (in terms of physically creating anything). I wasn't expecting this!
The prevailing feeling is one of wanting to store and shelve ideas and developments in my practice for when the course eventually starts. The MA reflects a new period of my practice and as with any new period of life, I want it to start positively. The fear of arriving without ideas, or perhaps the fear of running out of them, means that any desire for progress now is postponed. Whether I can overcome this fear will certainly be a challenge.
Research seems an ideal way of continuing the underlying themes of my work whilst not having to physically create, and certainly the notion of soaking up information to be used later has great appeal. I am reading Jean Baudrillard's The System of Objects, and his observations on function, object desire and social relationships with objects (particularly in the domestic environment) reflect neatly with my own work (where I obscure the inherent or intended function of everyday objects). Though I fear that at the end of the last page, the void of waiting will return. The next research idea needs to be lying in wait!
This open-ended waiting prevails in the context of the AHRC. Like many postgraduate students the stress of applying for funding peaks around now as we sit and wait for that letter through the door which tells us how we are to survive the next 12 months. Every morning the heart quickens as the postman arrives and then slows as I realise all I have is a series of flyers questioning whether I desire to buy chinese or pizza tonight! Other forms of funding are scarce. CDLs (career development loans) are perhaps not suitable for art students. They require the beginning of repayment within two months of finishing the course and with the lifestyle of most artists, income is never guaranteed so soon after completion. I have sent applications for scholarships and bursaries, met with small successes and many failures. So, it seems for the moment I will have to sit and wait to see what the post brings tomorrow.
