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in order to prepare my review i’m processing the images, words and sounds collected while at grizedale.

i’d not preplanned to make recordings at grizedale while we were there. sometime before lunch we were walking along a gravel path and i became aware of how our steps were going in and out of time.  i grabbed my ipod touch and went into record.

i’ve been poor at maintaining my ipod’s microphone port, and have learnt that it can get jammed with fluff. as a result, my grizedale recording is somewhat different than i had hoped for.

so instead of including the straight sound file i find myself in the throws or recreating the intensity i felt while at grizedale within a short sonic work.  very unexpected.

i’ve made a start today with storify.  to do so i’ve reconnected with my flickr account and created one for pinterest and instagram.

i’ve denied myself these pleasures up to now(the uploading of images on the fly) as i was somwhat aware of how me adding to the need for mass storage was setting up a need for more electrical energy to access it and keep it cool. i’m afraid i’ve succumbed to the opportunity and will now try and have some fun with the platforms. after all how long can i go on dening to myself that i like to take photographs for plesure and i can share them with the world.

my stomach continues to be a pain.  i wonder if there is any coincidence that the yellow chakra is related to identity and confidence.

my tasks now remain to upload images to include into the storify collection of our visit to grizedale, which will include the sonic work, write to our contact at grizedale and then write an objective review of the whole experience.

i need to search the a n site for where the review section is ….

today i’m going to try and form my experience at grizedale into something.

i am still having waves of emotion when thinking about last weekend.  something about the visit has connected to me at a very personal level and i’m still unsure what it is.

we’ve watched the iplayer programme about the four seasons paintings by rothco. the timing of the bbc broadcasting a season about abstract art seems is good for me.

into my day i go …

we made our go and see visit.

we got back yesterday.

today i still feel waves of emotion coming over me.  grizedale had an unexpected impact on me …

today i’m flavouring the memories of the satruday and the sunday. quite different.

before we went i attempted to find out about the history of how grizedale sculpture came about and evolved.  in our last conversation with the couple whose bed and breakfast we stayed in, we discovered a lot about the origins and how the sculptures have evolved.

it’s knowing the history combining with the experience of saturday that today is generating the waves of emotion.

it is my intention to compose a review of the go and see bursary. i need to do that when i feel level.

between you and me i wish i could exlpain better to you what’s happening for me.  it’s complex and interwoven. trying ot unpack it into a post ….

this morning i drew something.

and that’s been a revelation too … the abstract art collection on the bbc. for ages i felt i’ve been missing something …

am i making sense ?

i don;t think i am …

time for lunch and some more contemplation.  i’m toying with using storify to pull together the stuff from the weekend.

i took some pictures along the way in grizedale. if only there was a way in which i could decant the feeling being in grizedale made in me.  the pictures go some way to help me tell my storey.

and of course on another level there’s how being and seeing grizedale has impacted upon our ideas for the art walk we are preparing to produce in may of next year.

lunch now … i could go on and on and on and on ….

the visit now seems very real. i can relax and look forward to the weekend, all the necessary care for pets and children are in place and the maps of grizedale have been looked at and mulled over.

i can’t remember just how much detail i’ve gone into about how we arrived at visiting grizedale. it was a long period of searching online to find somewhere to visit after our choice in the application was affected by some unforeseen circumstances.

there of course was a great benefit in those unforeseen circumstances as we discovered more and more activities and endeavours happening around the uk. along that path we discovered big lunch extras at the eden project too.

somehow we arrived at where it all began. grizedale being the first place in the uk to make a collection of site specific art. (1)

this week i’ve spent sometime on the mighty fine archive site set up for grizedale through a phd ship.  one of the best bits of the site are the podcasts of  some of the artists talking about their work made at grizedale.  for me hearing the artist speak is always so much better than reading what they have said.  for me to hear their intenation, their pauses, their moments of realisation about something act as increases in the arc of the door to understanding.

i really recomend the grizedale archive site http://www.grizedalearchive.org/

(1) http://www.forestry.gov.uk/forestry/infd-7hyebb

in preparing for the bursaried visit thanks to a go and see bursary from a n, i find myself again being reflective of the journey to this point.

in thinking about what to write down, i find myself considering writing a post about things that didn;t qite work out. i note that i don;t often find posts about things not working out, in fact i seem to experience posts where everything is amazing and wonderful and just occassionally i’d like to read about how a plan went skewy.

our plan that went skewy was for a year long endeavour in a park near where we live. we planned for a celebration of it’s ecology, history and to make new activities to allow it to be seen in a different context.

in attempting that we had a funder interested, the local authority who own the park interested and several local groups who would benefit targetted as partners.  the plan skewed at the point where we tried to get the groups to commit to showing interest via something in writing to evidence to the funder that their money would benefit a broad base of local citizens. the plan also skewed when it became apparent that we were struggling to commit oursleves to a programme of activities. across the group the question of activity or money became one that caused us many a difficult conversation.

months after the heartache and unhappiness caused by the breakdown of that idea, we have a few elements of that original plan still on the drawing board.  our go and see visit is to the grizedale sculpture trail in cumbria.  the visit there will help to inform our plans to make an art walk in the park near where we live next april.

in reflecting again about how the go and see bursary has helped us i note that it’s helped the group to continue to make new plans despite several external unforseen circumstances evolving that we needed to work through.  the bursary has continuously been a source of a keep going spirit. it was the difference between giving up and continuing.  i can’t begin to explain the benefit that being in receipt of the bursary has given us. it’s way more valuable than the amount of money actually held in the bursary.

in sport there’s a focus on the winner. the individual or team who do all the necessary actions to comply with the rules of the sport to become the best at that particular moment … wether it be world darts or motogp … there’s evidence of how getting through troubled times help to make them a winner.  one of my favourite quotes is by a darts player on the occasion of their second world darts title …. his comment was that first he had to learn how to loose.

i have written about this before.

in cultural activity there are not the same rules as in sport.

however one thing that is very important is that for any activity there are followers / backers of the idea for their backing will make the difference when the troubled times happen and they might just happen as one never really knows how an idea will evolve over time.

the other guiding condition is how simple is the idea? and in it’s simplicity, does it unfold to show many layers ?

speaking from a personal practice level i seem to be continously learning to loose. being part of this group activity funded by a go and see bursary from a n is helping me to continue and believe that my voice can further form to further be heard.

for any group out there thinking about making a project, i urge you to consider a go and see bursary as part of your plans, it might just be the difference between a successful project and another idea that stalls because of a lack of external backing.