Chunk 2:
Since the Liverpool show, I have been struggling to make any more art work. I have made a couple of pieces in the first year after graduating but nothing of real substance or significance. I had one of them in Drays Walk Gallery in London which was pretty cool. But during all the internal struggles and battles, I made a decision to give myself a break for a while and just let the things that happened on my degree settle down and percolate, and give myself time to reflect upon things and try and understand what it was that I learnt. I continued to visit galleries and read etc but with no real direction or purpose. That kind of worked for a while and I was able to go back to things about a year or so later. When I was in India, I read some Buddhist stuff which seemed to finally sum up what I think I’m thinking about. But then one distraction after another, and still no art work.
In the two and a half years between finishing university and writing this blog, I can see, in some ways, how I have got myself in this mess: Like I say, I struggled and beat myself up for a few months before deciding to just give myself some thinking space without the pressure of a direction or outcome. That worked and I felt I could breathe much easier! Then I left my job in the Visual Art Department at a nearby college due to all sorts of complicated reasons which I shan’t go in to right here, right now. I took a part time job working in a gym as a receptionist – this is a highly unsuitable for a creative individual who’s exercise and fitness interest is exceptionally low!!! Although I unexpectedly enjoyed this job and ended up staying there for a year, it did have an effect upon my creativity because I had taken myself out of an art based network. Yeah of course I still went to galleries and talks now and again and saw friends who were artists, but a large quantity of my time was not in the right situation for me. More distractions came with planning my wedding which just seemed like loads more fun than reading, thinking and frowning all the time! Then my Dad got seriously ill with cancer which has resulted in 2 very large brain tumours, both leaving him temporarily without speech or movement. Along with those came side effects of drugs which resulted in a short, but horrific, burst of psychosis. The second large tumour was discovered just 2 days before the wedding and so all that was cancelled and I am waiting for his recovery to get a little bit better before rescheduling. Then my other half was made redundant, found out his mum had breast cancer and dad has to have major open heart surgery. Oh and we’ve just relocated from Southampton to Andover……!
