En Place

already the residency
is slipping onto the
back burner
everyday stuff interlopes
food, family, bills
finding work
caretaking
but there is still
work to do
deciding
which images to print
size, backing, resolution
which fabrics to fold and drape
which structures to keep
whether to develop the zines
testing stuff on the photocopier
finding ways to preserve things
to survive outside
much imagining
envisaging
which is quite hard
being on the spot,
as this residency has reminded me,
is so important
chance encounters
changes in light
odd juxtapositions
are critical
to thinking and
making

arrived home
late last night
weary, hungry
holidayed-out

it’s been over 5 weeks
nothing much has changed
all is familiar
prosaic, calm
there’s tea and toast
and a little time
to reflect
then it’s onto
planning the next phase
of the residency
planning and preparing
printing and constructing
the final pieces
to complete
a body of work
for the vernissage
in September

Like Cocteau’s Orphée
searching for unknown poetry
there lingers a hankering
to find those
elusive moments
that inspire the work
for now
the Château de Sacy
is only visible
as if through a mirror
of dreamy recollection
a rose-tinted interlude
of uncertain fumbling
leaps of visualisation
colliding imagery and
intense creative endeavour
yet from this
something solid
something real
must come

leave the Château de Sacy
mid morning
stuffing the car
with important stuff
off on another adventure
with J
Münster Skulptur Projekte
so little time to absorb
the last month

envisage a holiday
of relaxed ambling round
Münster
going to cafes, bars,
searching for, looking at
sculpture
usually though
holdays involve
being in the car
map panics and picnics
walking walking walking
outdoor exhaustion
foreign football
being together
trying to relax
hot and fragmented
sometimes lost
sometimes laughing

first thing is
to get to the shop
a day without bread
is too long !
cycle for the
last time to
grandfresnoy
it’s warm
the sky is low
the fields
of darkening gold
border
the empty road
outside the boulagnerie
are two old blokes
in their white vests
chatting

but not long left now
looking at the
work completed
can’t help thinking
is that it ?
four weeks
seems a long time
to be exclusively
engaged in making work
and nothing else
but it has passed
at first slowly, leisurely
then quickly quickly

in the
informal gallery
begin to dismantle
the pieces that
haven’t happened
…was hoping that
time would suggest
something – but it hasn’t
in the process
of unmaking
I begin to reform
and reconstruct
one piece at a time
intuitively
keeping to
an idea of a week ago
..and dismissed then
focus on not letting
the materials dictate
but keep things
balancing
being themselves
maintaining a casualness
…tricky stuff
an ongoing collaboration between
mind and matter
balance and form
am suspended between
thought and material…

there is a pile of
half formed things
in the workshop
things that haven’t worked
or haven’t found
a place
failed experiments
futile gestures
half formed things
disappointing
non-outcomes
but food for thought
a new language
is revealing itself
as I work and think
but feeling both
restless and tired
makes it hard
to concentrate
…to focus on
where it’s all leading
there are
loose ends
trailing strands
and little leaps of thought
and actions
that should propel me
into the next project
…whatever that might be

a final barbecue ensues
D brings his
grandchildren
both love the fire
and collecting sticks
they are sweet and
having fun
H has bought some
mackerel which is
singed outside
succulent inside
lovely
with cucumber and tomato
and wine
the overriding
smells of this trip
are woodsmoke
and bay leaves