energy flash : ludic play boots

“john cooper clark is on dessert island discs.”

me: “no way !”

immediately i had a dilemma – completing the clearing up or taking in what clarke had to say.  i worked it out and my life is better for the experience.

it’s left me upbeat – dare i say – inspired.

clarke is a figure who i first saw perform in suffolk.  at the time i was in need of positive influential figures – on the same bill was attilla the stockbroker.

new to me was clarke’s 17  year addiction.  taking that in my stride  i enjoyed his take on what being on dessert island discs might be like.

my relationship with the cultural phenomenon is one that leaves me – usually – questioning.  there are so many stories of lives – my own storey needing work on so i can be at one with it – aspects of it that is.

the thing that always draws me in though is what their musical choices are.  does selecting a series of tunes help to define us as a person ?  yes if that’s the intention.  with clarke it was a careful selection with integrity of meaning throughout.

later an old friend popped in for a cup of tea.  we ate crumble too.

post crumble we caught up.  i explained about the commission at the silk mill.  he works as a project planner on a large site in london, it was interesting to share my experiences of being on site in derby.

i described them and shared how at first it felt like a new world,   taking my time to explore and find my feet.  he understood and agreed with my strategy of being gentle at first about being on the front foot.  it’s actually being really helpful as a reflective process to share and talk about it.  in all i said he nodded , got and agreed with how i’d approached what i had done.

there is some work for me to do in terms of how i cope with when what i do doesn’t go according to how i would like it to – it takes me some time to get to a position of being ok with it.  having now written that –  this slow processing is possibly connected to my disability.  during the time it takes for me to do the processing i can become hard on myself and this slows the processing down.  with practice i will evolve this situation.  clarke showed me today that it is more common than i realise that one’s own storey can evolve and become more positive.

i’m looking forward to the coming weeks.

we have a small gap in our curtains, i stare out beyond the chimney pots to big fluffy clouds illuminated by bright sunshine.  children and parents wander by as they return home from the school run.  i pause to consider where to take this next.

i’ve pasted at the very bottom some attempts at the poetic writing i find myself practicing every so often.

while watching the cricket world cup final on sunday i had a moment of clarity about the art and sport thing i tried to start to work with a few years ago.  back then i didn’t fully understand what i wanted to do.  on sunday i felt how art and sport for me have feeling at the core.  in considering art and sport i missed at the time how competition produces emotion.  emotion for me is dominant and i think this is so because of my dsylexia.  there’s something about my difficulty to process words and their group meaning that places me in a vulnerable position.

a lack of being able to stick with one thing long enough to fully resolve it also comes with the landscape i internally occupy.

the poems are placed here as work in progress as they don’t feel fully resolved.

the reading i’m doing to accompany the non linear commission places what i’m doing in the design sphere.  i’m still sitting with how i might feel about this.  what the reading has started to reveal is that feeling uncomfortable  goes with the territory.

i get it

I get that time is running out
We need to act now

I get it that history shows us small actions
Have been taking place for over 40 years

I get that if we’re not seen to be doing something
Nothing is happening

I see how globally there is concern
Yet we’ve been transitioning for at least 10 years

How far does getting it
get us

To a bridge in France with streaming eyes
And students down under walking en mass

We all have a choice if we choose to do so
We might leave this here and say no more

We might propose strict rules in the name of progress
We might ignore it all and carry on

Walking the dog continues
The distant traffic heading to their destinations

Fires burn in the gardens and
Washing flutters in the breeze

Who might tell us how to live
Who might tell us what’s good for us

Who exclaims when a familiar flag
Appears in the crowd at the pyramid stage

Who is there to help us overcome our fears
And find new motivation

Who role models
what it is best for us all

I get it that there are more questions than answers
I get it

some

Some sheep are gay
Some like fast cars

Some sheep are afraid
Some like sport

Some sheep are lonely
Some like poetry

Some sheep are weavers
Some wear nail polish

Some sheep are isolated
Some work 9 to 5

Some sheep are gay
And some follow the crowd

the sun has shifted to now stream through the window i was looking through earlier.  as i complete this post i feel a calm inside like all of the waves are synchronous for enough time to feel that i don’t need to do anything, worry or consider anything.  this calm feels like a luxury item to savour.  the more i sit with it the more i feel calm.  there’s nothing to process, noting to work at, nothing to think about. i return to looking out the window…