sometime after 8 o’clock this morning, standing alone in our kitchen, i cried as i listened to the sounds of the automata swan being wound for play and the soundtrack that followed with accompanying voice over. later i reflected upon the power of art to transpose where one is and create a whole new unexpected experience.
the tears were joyous, the experience very real
its helped to lift me from the feelings of shame and low self worth following the very drawn out and painful wait to be told my research degree application was unsuccessful. that process and the wait for the outcome and all the other stuff i have gotten involved with has had a net effect. an effect i became aware of when those in my peer group were sharing posts/stories, and images of the new stuff, the latest exhibition and the outcome of the recent hard work. the net effect was a feeling of me being isolated and in the same place, despite all the effort and work put in.
the research degree outcome was difficult to talk about – at first.
i can now at least talk to friends about it without crying due to the overwhelming emotion that has been rising.
in the spirit of embracing what you have – it seems to be time to start documenting the research into being isolated and due this through a methodology of play – adulthood play.
i did want to start an instagram account i could leave private and post new images to that. having thought about it for weeks, when i attmepmpted it this afternoon my accounts i tried to start have all been suspended due to violation of terms.
instead i have downloaded an app to my phone that i can share images to in a private manner. my exploration of isolation and its documentation being only visible by me.
in the spirit of it only exists if its documented – welcome to the documentation of that research.
