it has struck me today that at some point i need to define what i mean by isolation – how does it apply to me and what does it feel like.
this afternoon i walked our dog and on the walk i experienced thoughts, feelings, and frustrations that when i reflect potentially are coming from a feeling of isolation – or at least leading me to feel isolated.
i also experience positive isolation when i am alone and away from people and things and in flow of making.
both these are related and connected with my neurodivergent conditions as i believe in an holistic approach to assessing the situation. its all connected – paradoxically nothing in isolation.
there is a part of my conscious thinking that asks is this isolation focus the right way to proceed?
the situation i find myself in – and not one i would choose – is that my brain is put together in such a way that when i am on my own i experience good things and very dark bad things.
i suppose i could try to work out why and analyse everything but that implies a scientific approach and that’s not where my strengths lie. i have a background in visual art and if i’m honest its the solo aspect of this that i am looking to develop and practice- to feel more secure and confident in.
i know i am a long way off being ready to attempt another dycp. the 2021 edition was unsuccessful and a very quick glance over that project this afternoon showed me why that was the case.
isolation may not be exactly right; however, it is something for me to work with and i like how there is a very paradoxical quality to the research.
i have no idea where this is all headed and maybe that’s the thing i should be cherishing the most.
