when i prepared the research degree application i can see now how stressed i became about what i didn’t know – the already published writing.
becoming more accepting of what i don’t know and trying to stick to what i do know is proving to be more sustainable.
being anxious about the future of the research was also making me feel stressed.
beginning from an isolated position, on the sofa with my laptop, the aim, the goal is to discover how connected i can become. what this does do though is raise the question of how do i quantify what a connection is?
somewhere on the internet i have watched a section of video that talks about people needing connection and i have remembered where it was – the ted talk about the u2 show at the dome in las vegas.
in the context of being in a public place with 17999 other people, i start to feel some level of discomfort – an overwhelm of being with that many people. i know know this is because of my neurodivergent conditions.
i yearn for 1:1 connection where i can keep up with what the conversation is about. i feel seen, heard and special to be in the 1:1 conversation. i am happy to stay within the 1:1 conversation with the caveat that if i am having to feel i am working at keeping the conversation going, soon i find i can’t sustain it
