Not sure where the last month has gone and feel adement to use this more regularly now. I have been going through a transition, one which is exciting. For the last 4 months I have been floating- feeling excited about my Escalator status but also filled with and uncontrollable anxiety regarding my use of it. I was finding it hard, have found it hard, the panic and pressure has taken over and I have felt too concerned to do something 'good' for the people who have supported me to receive this. However I have worked a lot out. The turn around I think has been my mentoring sessions with Richard layzell and specifically a rural retreat I attnded organised by Anthony Roberts for artists in the East to re-group-group- discuss practice, share practice and work with artist Leslie Hill and Helen Paris. It was great to be back around like minded people, from my region, all who face the same problems and anxietys as me. Some too also benefiting from funding. The first night we were asked to create a Pecha Kucha Powerpoint, 20slides, 6 minuets. I had not created one of these before but found the task really useful. It hepled me understand much about mysefl, my work and how I operate as an artist. i identified a lack of content in my talk- the presentation filled with opportunitites I had been involved and presented the breadth of work I had made both collaboratively and solo but it lacked current content, current ideas and a current investigation- what am I making work about? What am I creating now? What are my ideas? This worried me but I knew it was this that I needed to start to spend time doing. I needed to foucus on the work- my work as just Holly- re discover my working practices and create some new work. It was a revelation but alos seemed daunting- again I was putting myself under pressure- I knew I had to do this but what were my ideas? and how would I start?.
The weekend continued- I left briefly Saturday to perform with jenny as Hunt & Darton in Peckham for Mark McGowens Village idiot affair- A street performance. We did our performance on Peckham high street. I just went there, did it and returned to the retreat, just like that! I enjoyed performing in the public realm, hardly anyone was bothered. Using the loudspeaker outside changed the use of the loudspeaker massively.