*’Oooooooooo – I am a lonely painter, I live in a box of paints…’ – well actually that’s not quite accurate, I’m sitting by the computer debating clearing out the studio and starting work again – and I’m not a painter. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked in a group studio but I still miss the motivation of having other artists around me on a daily basis. Living in a quiet rural location has many advantages but a bustling stream of ever-changing creative input from other artists is not one of them. And so Christmas is over, the parties, relatives, drinks dos, mega pictionary games, etc The festive season passed as quickly as the sky lanterns we launched with friends on Boxing Day Eve drifted swiftly out of sight. The studio, taken over for a stint as Santa’s warehouse, lies strewn with wrapping paper and cardboard boxes, the aftermath of late, Cava fuelled Christmas Eve activity. Briefly my inner compass momentarily thrown off course, I wondered, tiptoeing through the studio mess, whether I could leave all this behind in 2011-and become another person with another life, considerably more balanced and ordered than this one. And then I catch sight of an object I have collected and I know what it could be, what it could say and how it could exist in a gallery space and I can’t forget it.
For many years, coming from Belfast to England, there was a transition period in my language where, subconsciously, my words would come out in a more rounded English accent, or even a splicing of the two, or I would use words that would have been uncommon to me previously. When this happened I would feel an almost physical discomfort in my mouth, as if one version of me was painfully morphing into another.
When I’m in my studio surrounded by the materials and objects that feel right to me I know I can’t make that transition and leave the language of making behind. It’s just too much part of me, I’m not sure I would even know how to begin to learn a new one. At moments like this a friend’s words, another woman artist struggling to balance family life with her work, always echo in my head ‘I did try to leave it behind but it just wouldn’t leave me.’
Back to work I think, bring it on 2012
* for anyone unfamiliar with this, check out Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue’ album
