It is very hard to restart after a fall. I have been rejected for a studio space at Cockpit Arts after an interview that I thought had been successful. On top of this my kiln broke and I now have to buy a new one with 4-5 weeks for delivery. I have to put it all in prospective because luckily I do not depend on my work for a living, but it is my personal satisfaction and self esteem to have suffered.
More than ever I wish I had a mentor to talk about my thoughts and my creative ideas and to help me focus on progressing.
I asked for feedback and they told me, very politely, that my work is not at the stage of achievement that they would consider in their showcase. It has potential but it is not there yet. I happen to agree with this but I do not know what I am still missing, and how to achieve it. What astonishes me is that they could see this and make such a judgement after interviewing me and handling my work for half an hour. What exactly did they see? Is it a personal thing or there is some general universal principle against which they analyse the work?
I have drawn new shapes and I have tried to make them with my materials but I do not know if it worth it to pursue this idea or not.
I am looking to put some fun in my cups. I have a memory if my grandmother’s teacups and I would like to make my contemporary and thrown version of them. I want to find a way to add feet to them to be raised from the saucer and that is a technical challenge. Is this just a playtime experiment or it can bring to something new?
I was very stimulated by reading the article by Sanam Emami in Interpreting ceramics www.Uwic.ac.uk/ICRC/issue009/articles/01.html), because it touches some of the points I am very interested too.
In the Abstract she states that her work “focuses on the potential of ornament and pattern to interact and blur the line between historical conventions and contemporary life”
I am reading James Trilling's books on ornament and I would like to make mine his idea that sometimes "More is more" (pg 12 of the book Ornament a modern perspective) not " Less is more" like everybody always says today.
I grew up in northern Italy surrounded by geometrical patterns, 18th century's architecture (French inspired) and nature and I have always been interested in ornament (every piece of paper left around ends up covered by doodles.
I am trying to understand how I can apply my idea of ornament to my functional ceramics, and I feel that reproducing my doodles on the surface is simplistic, I would like to study its context and make it part of a big picture. The Islamic world is not part of my background like it is for Sanam. I suppose I am looking for an intellectual discussion about these issues, so that my work can evolve through an aimed project of experimentation.
At the moment I think I do not want to change my throwing technique, my colors and the connection with food and drink , because they are still part of my critical journey and have still potential, but I want to add content and really understand the form.
Parallel to my painting goes the thinking related to my ceramics. Here I know with more certainty how to do it and there is always the scope for improving the technique, but I lack the confidence in trying new things. I find that I can’t put aside a period of time and experiment, freely, to find new directions. I feel obliged to stay with my standard production. If I adventured in a period of discovery, I would feel suddenly very anxious and try to gather conclusions too early. I think that in a studio with other artists I would be able to ask for the support of others. I could talk it aloud and find the solution and I would have the strength to persevere in the experiment, without looking for the answer.A lot of ideas form in my mind all the time but I postpone the time to use them. It is easier to write than to make.
In the Easter holiday I went to New York for the first time and I found the architecture very exciting.
James Trilling came again in my aid when looking at the reflections of old building on the glass walls of the new. He, born and brought up there, writes:
“ the past alone does not change, though the ways we see it and use it are always changing. It is like an older building that we renovate to suit our need…In recent years, the need to reconcile past and present, or at least to let them coexist has struck me in every visit to New York. The smooth glistening facades of the last half century stand out against the lush textures of the older city, but the combination has an energy beyond simple contrast. Reflected in huge expanses of tinted glass, premodernist buildings have a ghostly second life, while the newer structures borrow the ornament they meant to eclipse.”
It is a month since I last wrote and I feel I have wasted a lot of time instead of being productive. I have made some stock for my future exhibitions, but I am quite stuck in ideas and feel isolated from other artists. I have the feeling that if I was in a group studio I would progress more just by having exchanges with others. It doesn't help that the children have been on holiday for a month. I am thinking to painting and ceramics at the same time and I hope that the creative process will converge. In my painting I want to create a feeling of landscape with multiple layers of watercolor and I am stuck after the first layer, it is a paralyzing fear to spoil what is there, it does not permit me to go further. I struggle to understand the essence of composition, I am not clear in my mind where I want to go: should I try to create a certain scene, or let it form as I go along? Should I make 50 beginnings? how do I judge them, when do I know whether they are finished, what do they say? I enjoy making the first layer and then I know which bits I like, I could crop them or photograph the sections (second and third image), but I think this is not taking me further in my search even if enjoyable and the resulting paintings are good just as birthday cards!
