i’ve enjoyed myself this morning, chatting with mr gilbert. made a little mistake in not eating enough prior to the afternoon meeting. not eating affects my mood rather. something i am aware of and something of a project yet to be started.
this project is reaching installing time. it’s difficult to reflect on a day when part of it is tarnished by disappointment and hunger. one making the other worse.
in my present,the recent past calls into focus happenings of an older past. adding recent past to older past, creates a present condition informed by recent and older past. considering older past, recent past and present is enough to start to project possible futures, only by challenging the recent past, ie asking why they were not at the meeting, can i challenge the possible futures. this is very close to what my work is about.
last week i realised an answer to the question
“so what is your work about?”
i answered…
“ambiguous answers to notional questions”
ambiguity is important to me. especially work made by me to go into a formal gallery space, where social convention is to look at art.
i want viewers of it to talk about the work, to break the compliant silence, to dare to vocalise their thoughts. to dare to ask…
“what the f*** is this about?”
only a question can evoke an answer. … …..
how difficult is it to ask a question.
it’s not particle physics after all.
dominoes are nice. set them up and push one, spaced well each will fall and push the next one. with forsight, the patterns set up can be amusing, the inital fall being superceded by an excitement of the next pattern to be fell.
i’ve finished applying paint today. the smell has reminded me of boyhood memories, it’s good to know i have some. my father wrote signs out of the family garage. he was good at it, a style of his own. driving round town i would know one of his boards. he’d set up after the company he’d worked for closed down by murdoch or someone like that. we never talked about things of importance in the family so it’s only years later that stuff starts to emerge. i wonder why i am so private about things. i was never shown that talking and sharing is a good thing and actually one of the fundamentals to be able to lead a happy and properous life.
strange my memories of where i grew up being stirred at a time where i’m possibly going to be interviewed connected with this programme, the place where i now live being a significant thing for the local paper. i’m cautious of the paper, if i can’t find anything dystopian to say, will the storey i tell be interesting…
i’m getting close to be able to fill the dystopian soundbyte explanation box, i say dystopian alot as i like to say it a lot now. try saying dsytopian 5 times in the course of the day…
so as it’s just you and me, i’ll share with you my soundbyte explanantion phrase…
ambiguous answers to notional questions.
what do you think ?
does it happen to anyone else ?
a feeling that the work has no merit, a feeling driven by a tiredness and spending a long period of time solitary working.
does it happen to anyone else ?
a feeling that the research isn’t enough, or relevent enough.
i’m working a little too hard at the moment.
xx
i’ve got use of a studio space. it’s quite a novelty for me, to have a clean space to use as i will. i’ve been lent the use of a studio while a friend is away, i’m desparatley trying not to get too much paint on the clean floor.
with a visit next week, i feel the need to up my productivity and paint all the tiles in three days, something which is now possible as a result of the above.
looking at the tiles, i think about their relationship with each other, something that i may not be able to explore until the work hits the gallery.
i’m interested to see how the shades of colours vary and how well the lines match up.
i’m really excited about the small imperfections within the paint. i can’t wait for them to be the topic of a debate. i like the blemishes, little marks that have occurred along the way of production. i’m proud to work in a world where there is atmosphere and potential for little things to occur, to leave their marks.
i’m relaxed about the blemishes being there, however not relaxed about the potential for them to be made a critical centre point due to their less than perfect status. maybe in my relaxed state about the imperfections, i’m inviting critical response from those that view technical perfection as a neccessity. i have a personal view of technical perfection, as realised at a gig last year…
out of relaxed long weekend and into another week. slight concern that actually there’s not many more to go. application, calm, focus…this is possible.
utilising all the space i can access, i achieved that which i felt would be one of the biggest things to do with this project, the marking out of the triangle. it was tricky, the squares constantly moving around, it’s going to lead to humourous moments in the gallery i’m sure.
i’m up to date with word delivery and images. i’m still making my website and in the last big push of that process now.
start the painting tomorrow, working toward the visit of the mentor next monday…
