future focus… the end.
(pause for jim)
and with 60’s colour i cover myself.
agh, i’m bathed in colour and peace and harmony (any revolutionary thoughts will have to wait). tis the concluding part of future focus. what have i learnt from the experience? it’s easy for me to point blame and upset emanating from an institution, however if that’s every institution, should i start to look at myself as a source of the unhappiness. if i am the source of the unhappiness, i’m doing that to myself because of ideologies set out by people organised into groups. if i don’t get those groups, yet want to be part of it, i must find a path to allow me in, i need to find more support. if i find support and still i don’t get in, then i will remain outside and at last i will be part of the mainstream by being outside of it.
what have i found out about funding? any project funded needs to have an evaluation, so that the funders know that the project was a success and participants got what was expected. i also found out that an rfo giving money to an artist then rules out the artist applying for ace funding directly. i’ve not yet been offered the opportunity to take part in any evaluation.
the other slight moan is to do with the professional development seminar, part of the bursary and part of the advertising for the project. do to a foresight by the university, it wasn’t organised for the week within the exhibition, instead it’ll now happen in October as part of some other initiative. i end up moaning as i actually need a lot of support and when it’s there without having to be proactive about getting it, i feel relieved that i don’t have to go through the whole explanation of my word based problems. i am having to come to terms with my need to search for help, to admit i can’t do something, in order to do something i want to do.
so what next for me? i’ve been applying for things throughout the exhibition and have been rejected by all of them. mostly because what i was proposing was not deemed suitable for the audience of the project. no problem with that, i’m experiencing that in some aspects of the art world, audience is the most important thing, i have an idea for a piece where audience complete the work by their interaction with it.
i also have two proposals in. one for a new piece and one for a residency. i’m not 100% confident that my words are a strong enough communication of my intentions for the residency. if i do get it, then i will conclude the idea was strong, if i don’t get it, the idea was still strong, i simply failed to communicate in words what i had in my mind. i will need to find some specialist support to make an application for funding to develop the piece hinted at in the above paragraph.
this week is a week of rest and recovery, while waiting to hear about the residency decision. it feels very much like a fork in the road. what possible futures are on the sign posts? successful application and the start of something new or another rejection and some inner soul searching and admitting that i can’t do sophisticated word writing good enough to get myself chosen.
not long to wait…
