Getting Somewhere

I am reading n.paradoxa while the fa mily watch rubbish tele. I feel very righteous.

Hurrah – I’ve just burned the dinner again. This is a very good thing, because it means I was totally absorbed in thinking about art, and totally forgot that there was something in the oven.

Totally burned to a cinder, smoke alarm blaring, cooked half an hour ago type of burned. Ace.

Kids are eating cheese sarnies and apple instead, and I’m heading back up to my sketchbook on the bed.

I finally got the photo’s off my phone, so I’ve added them to the blog in the relevant slots.

Even better than this is the news that this phone is now relegated to ‘my old phone’ status, as I have an iphone! It is everything I’d hoped it would be, although I don’t seem to be able to add a post to my blog from my iphone – not sure why yet. There is of course a related tale about how I got the contract sorted, but who cares any more, I’m just happy to have it.

I’ve been looking at holiday pics and thinking about how much fun we had. Then I remembered that I wrote a blog post while we were away, but couldn’t upload it as we were too far from civilisation to have wifi or even mobile phone service.

Here’s what I wrote. It’s not how I remember it at all – we had a fab time, learned a bit about sheep shearing and cow-milking (not the correct technical term I suspect) (a beautiful jersey calf was born while we were there) spectacular walks and lots of fun. Or alternatively, on an off moment…

‘ We’re on holiday in Duddon Valley in Cumbria for two weeks. Is it just coincidence that on the same day that I start thinking about my art ideas I get my first headache of the holiday? It could be the red wine, although I’ve had a couple of glasses every night for a week without ill effect. It could be the change in the weather – it’s been raining lots for two days now. It could be withdrawal symptoms – I get a bit testy after a week of relaxing – give me a sense of purpose any day. It could be lack of personal space. Family holidays sort of imply that you have to enjoy every minute of being in the company of your family. I enjoy each minute when I look at the minutes independently but when you put all the minutes together it seems like a lot to ask. It could be that I experience instant tension when I start thinking about the ‘making art v making money’ conundrum. Or am I just a grumpy sod.’

I think we all know the answer to that one.

In a camping barn in Cumbria, with my partner and kids, and a group of mates: one couple with a baby (she’s an artist, he’s a graphic designer) and one single parent mother (an artist) with 5 year old daughter:

All three artists have taken a collection of bags boxes and laptops with the intention of ‘doing some arty’ stuff on holiday. The bags of sketchbooks, boxes of research books and laptops remained untouched all week.

Toward the end of the week we laugh about our persistently foolhardy ambitions that we would do any art. Kath observes that ‘normal people don’t have this extra thing in their life to worry about. They have jobs and they have homelife to manage, but they don’t have a third thing to feel guilty and stressed about. They probably have hobbies. Artists don’t have time for hobbies.’

I think she summed it up beautifully. Whenever I temporarily get so caught up in living that I forget to approach life with a detached artists eye, I really enjoy myself – and there’s time to get everything done, it all works easily! This only works in the short term though.

I eventually get fed up – everything is tainted by a sense that ‘there must be more to life than this’. Making art gives me energy, makes sense of everything and gives life a purpose. hmmm – sounds a bit like a religion – never saw it that way before..

So – making art detaches me from the everyday, and it deepens my experience of life. Must remember that the next time I wonder why the hell I’m up at 3am doing an art project that I’ve initiated and then grown to dread.

I’ve added an image I made ages ago – when my children were very small I sometimes tried to record all my activity over a few hours – to help me understand what I actually did all day long. This is an undeveloped but interesting project that I return to occasionally.