The content (or Why I Do It)
I think ‘the context’ (or all the Other Stuff in my life) is a necessary but awkward part of my life as an Artist. Rachel the Artist and Rachel the Mother are not separate beings, they infect and influence each other. Yet it feels difficult to acknowledge this, in an art market that caters for artists who can sacrifice their daily life at the drop of a hat to take on a new residency or project, to the detriment of all else. It’s as if having children automatically makes you less committed to your work.
I have a fear that mentioning my personal circumstances could trigger a chain reaction of responses – I will be dismissed as a tedious feminist artist, probably making art as therapy.
I also think that if something seems to be taboo, that’s probably the best reason for talking about it, so that’s why I’ve made it a central factor in my blog. I want to open up the conflict I experience between my creative ambition and my commitment to my family.
Writing down the Other Stuff is Important for the function of the blog; it helps me Remember what I’ve done and feel comfortable and satisfied with my own achievements. It can be difficult to Remember what has actually changed when periods of studio time are erratic and disjointed.
Some days I have to have an argument with myself to get over the guilt I feel for playing/working in my studio instead of chopping vegetables for tea. .. I imagine my children with rickets and put more fruit in their lunchboxes – it comes back bruised and uneaten…
The act of writing this blog helps me to focus on the positive. I will log my progress as an artist, chart the movement of ideas and actions, and include edited images which function as my sketchbook.
Ps. Just to keep you up to date on the context – been up all night with Older Daughter while she threw up – you can probably picture the serene and satisfied vision of motherhood that I encapsulate today, only improved by the faint aroma of vomit on the carpet.
