I've hit an alltime low. I feel really overwhelmed, and like giving it all up. I've decided to blog about it, because if no-one admits that sometimes it's too hard, it sets impossible standards for everyone else, and we all compare ourselves to these false images of parents who cope beautifully.
I'm tired, I'm run down, I keep being ill, I'm short tempered, small problems feel like big problems. No matter how I try to shoe horn my workload into my available time it doesn't fit. I need to worker harder, quicker, longer and I just can't find the energy.
Worst of all, I have two projects that I want to make, and I don't see any possibility of finding the time to get in my studio to do them. Despite ACE funding, I still haven't made the work that's agitating around in my mind.
I need to change my attitude and my work pattern, because I value my health and happiness. But, once again, it looks like the thing to go will be the studio time. I need to accept that these two projects may take years not months to achieve, which is so frustrating when I know I could probably get them resolved if I could work on them full time for two months.
I need to cultivate patience and generosity towards myself, but my mind is filled with a sense of disappointment and failure. Maybe I've got things out of perspective, but today the future feels bleak.
