Havering College of Further and Higher Education, Essex

went to the printers yesterday, so committed now to final 3.

looking forward to seeing them full size on thursday, and checking them before they go to be mounted. hope I have judged the final preparations correctly.

got a quote for the work.

eek!

still, you only do a final show once!

trying to get a grip on the myriad of other minor tasks of my own and those that I have taken on for the show.

feel absolutely shattered. need a holiday, or just a good nights sleep!

blimey, its enough to make you turn to chocolate… eating it I mean, not actually turning into chocolate, that would just be messy.

I have finished the final edit, ready to take the final three to print on monday. I hate editing, spotting, photoshop generally and trying to get the colour right when I can't see that its wrong; getting niggled about the little things that you can't fix and hope no one else notices.

Of course someone will notice, but it would be nice if they just don't mention it, I know my work isn't perfect, and neither am I, I can see my own faults, I am not stupid, and yes I would like to do better, and one day, I am sure I will. I am quite capable of beating myself up, I don't need help.

I feel better now I have got that off my chest.

On the whole I am happy with the set of images I have, its a shame I cannot show them all, but I will put the set in a book, and maybe do a copy for the archive too, since they have been so helpful.

It has been a week of many parts: attempts at reconciliation, crisis of confidence, reshooting, editing, interviewing, calming the stressed and trying not to rise to the bait, and just learning to let go. This is not all just about me, btw, but us collectively….ok so most of them are me… anyway….

I have reviewed all the images and tried to decide what to show, reckon I will only have space for 3 images of around 16 x 20, so what best to show the series?

Canvased opinion of tutors, fellow students and the man on the street (ok actually the man in th kitchen, but you get the idea). Still undecided, one likes the portraits, one the stuff, one a combo. anyway its down to me in the end and I have a week to decide.

In the meantime I have been back to the archive today and reshot some of the possibles, to see if I can get them a bit better. One of my previous victims/researcher was there so I was able to give him the photo I took of him (i had a set of small prints with me to use as a guide) which pleased him. Now have to wait til I can pick up the negs on monday, hopefully scan on tuesday, make a decision, do dust removal etc ready for going to print meeting on 6th April. So by mid april mounting should be done and work ready for show. Phew!

I built plenty of contingency into the plan (learned something useful from my earlier career then). There will still be lots to do for show, but its stuff I can do myself at home.

I hate to release any kind of responsibility for my work to somone else, but needs must, I cannot print and mount to the required standard so just gotta trust the professionals!!!

I have just had two days of interviewing for the Apprentice task, and very enlightening it has been, for a number of reasons.

The first interviewee, a photographer with experience of curating/portfolio reviewing/ editorial also gave me some insight into my portfolio. Actually the process of preparing a generic portfolio was a challenge and made me recognise a themes within my work. I can see how I have progressed, what I am doing this year makes last years work look naive and contrived, funny when I was so pleased with it last year. such is growth I guess!

That meeting has been particularly useful when thinking about what exactly I might want to reshoot at the archive for my final portfolio of images and what would complete it, and make it into a more well rounded collection.

The second interviewee was a very experienced, award winning photographer with a long career which has covered just about everything, from war to royals and everything in between. Happily he gave very freely of his career and advice for people starting out in the business, so much so that I thought how great it would have been if he had come in to talk to the students at college (he would but I bet the college wouldn't want to pay for it!)

He explained a lot about the business side, which has not been discussed at all on course, it was all very interesting and I wish I had had this meeting earlier, and all for the price of lunch! Bargain!

I just need to write up 3 hours worth of conversation. These two days have given me a lot to think about.

Ok, so got to show the work so far to two tutors!

Both seemed to understand my concerns and agree with me about what are the strongest set of images, those from the Bancroft archive and it is something from this set that I will show at the final exhibition.

On that subject, we, as a group, are just trying to get on with it, putting aside the niggles that have been frustrating us lately…..(Put it in a box!)..we should be enjoying these final weeks, and aiming for the best show we can, so that's what we are going to do!

Need to decide now how many to show, and get those ready for printing.

I have a busy couple of days ahead, interviewing 2 people in the industry for the apprentice task, which should be fun. A bit nervous because one of them asked to see my portfolio….I know she is just asking to be polite but I just hope its good enough.