Written off by a primary teacher as ‘Just a little girl with a head full of fairytales’ I have suffered a long journey to finally, proudly and wholeheartly call myself an artist. Now I need to do the work. I want this to be a record of the process of practice and persistance that it takes to nurture that fragile, often elusive thing we call creativity.
It is what it is.
With the studio open the following day I sat in my hut and scanned my work.
Did I have every thing I had planned? No. Did I love everything I had made? Yes.
So I let myself enjoy what I had and left the rest to the future. This was time to celebrate and share what I had achieved. I just allowed myself to,once again, play and experiment. Let go of my ego just build my installation from everything I had to hand. It was fun and more than anything it was honest. This was one of my main aims while making.
The whole body of work is very much about me honouring my creativity with unadulterated experimentation and expression. About being truthful about what art is to me – connecting through sharing. About persisting to on the ground to allow the magic of creativity to flow its genuine and unique path.
I was happy to share this with friends and studio mates and also some new visitors of the studio and what makes me the most proud is I was unconcerned about people’s reaction – It truly was what it was.
When it works, oh my god does it feel good. Maybe it s the time pressure now (23rd November deadline) or maybe that I ve cleared some baggage out of my life or maybe just my cheeky little star chart …. but I spent the day working on Monday and it went like a dream – when I am making all the answers come and I feel more engaged with life than any other time. This is what it s all about for me! This is why I choose a part-time, independent struggle of a life… to have these precious moments. It feels like the work gives me just enough back to keep me hooked – a weird tangle of a relationship, but one I ll never give up. This crazy love/hate relationship has and will out-live any human love I am sure.
I ve worked hard to understand what I am, and fought hard to be it. All these battles are internal of course. But they are the hardest in life, a fact that permeates my work. Back to the battle, my advice to you never fight anything alone – get help. Disillusioned about my practice, two years ago, I dragged myself to see artist life coach, Clodagh Boyd.
I am sure I will talk more about my time with Clodagh. Some of it I am still processing and reflecting on. But most importantly she supported me to come to my own personal work truth. For me that is what I want to do, who I am doing it for and what out come I desire. Now I can tell you that to find those answers is a heavy weight lifted from some tired shoulders.
It s good to feel really alive : )
The clock is ticking for our ‘Friends of Studio’ event where I was really hoping to show my work so far… of course there s a bit to be done to make it worth looking at and life has typically dumped extra worries on me at the same time. I ve tried the motivational approach and made a manageable goal setting schedule chart complete with sticky stars! But so far I am creeping behind and the time is slipping away. I desperately wanted to show something this year and I do want to get the ideas I have been turning over for a year in to something coherent for a forgiving audience. I have a month, I am going to tackle the ceramic element first for the sake of organization and then hopefully I can claw back some time later….. Why does the thing you love suddenly turn in to a huge pressure? Is it my expectation? But then how would one ever achieve anything with out. Should it be this hard? …. to be continued!
My work is autobiographical. I suppose what I am interested in is the suffering and striving of humans…. what else can I use better than my own experience? It s an uncomfortable place to explore and share because of the fear of it looking like an ego trip.
John Lennon said ‘My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader. But as a reflection of us all.’
By sharing I hope to connect and help people connect to a collective consciousness. There are Buddhist sympathies in my work. The idea of life as suffering intrigues me. I haven’t done much making over the last weeks… I am going to brush the dust off in the morning. Whether I am there or not I am always thinking about the work, the picture is of my morning view – I love watching this decrepit structure and seeing how much it is or isn’t drowning from day to day.
I owe a lot to Julia Cameron for the workbook ‘Artist’s Way’. I am on my third round and I get something new from the experience every-time. If you ve not used it, two main tools to help your creativity flow are ‘Morning Pages’ and ‘Artist’s Dates’. I am great at getting up and unloading a stream of conscious- ness on to a few sides of A4…. I always wake up with thoughts buzzing around my head. This also helps before a meditation session as a head clearer.
The dates are more tricky for a workaholic but I am calling my morning playtime my dates for now which helps me stay loose about my experimentation. I deliberately built a ‘beach hut/play’ room in my studio (a year ago!) and its increasing starting to feel like my teenage bedroom… a good thing because I feel this was my freest time (pre-art education).
What stuffs me up is looking to an end when I am working on the beginning. Focusing on an out come, picturing an audience seems to distort my desired authenticity.
Julia Cameron wrote ‘Focused on process, our creative life retains a sense of adventure. Focused on product, the same creative life can feel foolish or barren.’
I am not too caught up on outcome right now but when finding ways to motivate myself to keep turning up; for example setting a deadlines/goals I can feel a sort of constriction, an up-tightening. I am trying to apply some yoga mind to this… not applying force or control, just letting things flow.
