hi hat & snare

today i’ve posted my forest school leader portfolio.

as i walked home i spent a few minutes writing an idea down.

this evening i’m unwinding.

waking up

what am i doing?

today i’m waking up to the thought that i’m involved in an affair.  i’m being unfaithful to my art practice, i’m cheating on it to try and have some fun.

my practice had become a little boring and we’d not really talked about it for a while and i got bored and drifted off looking to have some fun.

at first, how i chose to have the affair was an easy option. i quickly got bored and moved to another source of fun.

and fun it was.

however outside of the gratuitous fun part, the affair has at times offered me words that have not endeared me to the affair.

i wasn’t consciously aware of it being an affair.  considering it an affair gives me an out strategy.

considering it an affair makes me consider why i’m cheating on my art practice.

it had become a little staid.

in training to be a forest school leader i had hoped that my art practice would buck it’s ideas up and go with the flow.  instead it’s hung it’s head and not particularly embraced the new opportunities that the forest school practice offers.

maybe my art practice is jealous of the attention the forest school practice is receiving.  it need not be, they are both as important as each other to me.  there is however the consideration of time.  i’m spending way more time with the forest school practice and when i could be with the art practice i’m actually off being flirty with photographs.

how will my art practice take the news?

time will tell.

at the moment it’s taking the news well however it’s turning in on itself and being a little too introspective to be of any interest.  i somehow need to make it feel better and reassure it that my affair in no way is attempting to undermine the critical rational that it has.

although between you and me the critical rational is the bit we need to talk about the most.

i’ll give the practice time and hopefully there will some sort of conciliatory conversation and a new attempt to work together.  i still want to work with it.

it’s being a little off with me and understandably so, it’s not everyday it hears about it’s main protagonist having an affair.

a small aside…

where i’m having the affair doesn’t yet know about the other party involved in the relationship.   given how the practice has reacted today, i think it best that i say nothing to the affairee and just carry on as i have been to avoid causing any more doubt or discomfort.

i’ll carry on trying to have some harmless fun and  enjoy myself.

our branwen loves orangutans.

she wanted to do something to raise awareness of their living environment being compromised by palm oil farming.  palm oil is even used to replace the peanut oil in peanut butter.

on wednseday 30th march she achieved her goal of cycling 16 miles along the monsal trail in derbyshire.  she has a just giving page for donations.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Branwen-Gray

i helped her by being there as a support and making this little film of the journey.

the photo society i’m a member of have a presidents exhibition to which i have submitted some images.

getting the images ready has been good for me as i’ve gone back over the images i’ve made and reconnected to the ones i most like.

my expereince of the photo society circuit so far has demonstrated an importance of technical ability in preference to creative expression.  i might be biased and i might be a little uninformed as my photo society journey is somewhat in it’s initial stages.

i feel a little disappointed that my confidence is such that this is as high as i feel i can achieve and there is a real risk that the images i submit are going to get nowhere.  i have after all submitted 3 images that are out of focus.

i’m calling them my lost series

i need something from the photo society and i’m not a hundred percent certain what it might be.  to begin with it was somewhere to regularly go.  then it was feeling comfortable in the space and with the people there.   as a photo society it does eventually become about images.  i’ll know in about 10 days if the images were accepted and what comments were made about them.  in my fantasy i’ll win and be amazing and never before has a newcomer won so much so quickly.

i love fantasy while it lasts.