hi hat & snare

after watching valentino rossi’s engine go pop i find my disappointed self needing an outlet again to record some stuff.  it’s the second sunday in a row i find myself in this situation.  last sunday i found myself in a very tired state and wrote stuff that 2 days later decided to edit and republish.  i’ve not done that before.  i still am not sure just how socially acceptable it is to talk publicly about when one feels low, or down or tired or combinations of the above.

the moto gp race today was once again potentially going to be difficult to turn away from.  the early laps proved to be like this until the mechanical malfunction placed the dialogue rapidly into the next paragraph.

making and using what has been made is one of those things that helps define us as  human.  yesterday i had my induction into the workshop at the silk mill in derby.   i’ll be starting there soon as a resident maker within an evolving project.  i’m considering another separate blog about it so it’s all in one place.

i’m interested in resolving my inquisitiveness about mounting some arduino in a 3 legged stool i made from green wood and using the stool as a trigger for an audio idea i have.  this inquisitiveness has been with me for nearly a year now.  this inability to finish projects is something i’ve had since my teens.  it’s synonymous with dsylexia.

i wrote last sunday about an opportunity my partner was presenting me with that would involve me learning a process that would keep me alive while taking part in the opportunity.  a week ago my tired, fatigued self was trying to write and i was writing however what was coming out was personal and emotional and i really do wonder when i write like that if in the cathartic moment that my reader is put in an awkward place that renders them not a reader.  upon reflection it became about wether i wanted to have what i was going through in the public sphere.  upon reflection of the reflection, i could have left it as it was, i don’t need to edit who i am.

i am of course skipping around that orbit  once more.

note to self:  making = doing it

my note to self is for my dsylexic self.  oh too easily that part of myself thinks about something, loves the idea and rather than doing it, continues to think about it and i note that the outcome of this thought progression is a non making outcome.

then over time the idea comes around again and i once again think about doing it and ….. can you see the pattern that it becomes?

this week i had some disappointment.  the skulk of foxes i took with me to the silk mill interview fell into the relm of our puppy.  she has a liking for chewing wood.

it has though given me a photograph i really like.  for me it captures the supportive nature of family.

we were part of the celebrations for a gallery opening in belper.  it was another chance to see the evolving band project moon bullet of artist julian woodcock.

i’ll leave you with a photograph i made and published on my  instagram account.

time to reflect, to take stock, take a moment to lift my head up and see the wider view.  i have lots of brimming thoughts requiring being recorded.

most of the thoughts are connected to my photographic affair.  specifically … is it over … has it run it’s course ?  i’m asking myself this as i now have a more informed idea of what the photographic society does.  i also have a slightly more informed position on basic digital image processing.  if i am to play an active part in the competition scene, there is a fair amount of adaption needing to be done.  i remember posting about rule breaking earlier in the year.  as much as rule breaking is whispered about, the photographic society seems to be driven by rules that need to be there to ensure all know where they are.  blatantly breaking the rules merely helps to strengthen them and all who uphold them.

within my affair i did spend an enjoyable evening near nottingham, a lecture by a fellow of the royal photographic society.  maybe the affair is one i can dib in and out of.

i’m learning a lot about me at the moment.   although seemingly obvious, i’m hapier when around other people yet require time on my own.  i have ideas way more ambitious than my current ability to create them.  i under estimate my effectiveness as a forest school leader.  when a situation is placed before me i am more adept at achieving than when i create something for myself.

the last point is one i need to practice more to over come.

i can sense what the disability is in me and it’s much more prevalent when i’m on my own.  i think it’s connected to dialogue.  i’m much better when my inner dialogue is brought out into the open by being with others.

something i need to practice in my forest school work is being a positive influence on myself, letting out the energy i feel within yet hold back at the expense of my own dialogue.  that might sound complicated and it’s me being raw in the moment of writing what it’s like for me on the inside while facing learners in the woods.  this inner tension is something i practice to manage.

yet there are other times when it’s like the planets are all aligned and sweetness in the universe is with us all and i feel amazing and everything i say has inspiration and purpose and the learners enthusiastically run off to explore what i suggested and arrive back in a place they took themselves to.  that being an important aspect of the forest school ethos.

i took that ethos with me into an application process.  i’ve applied for a resident maker position at derby’s silk mill museum.  the museum is on a journey to become a museum of making.  the journey sets out to discover what this means.

through an international partnership the museum is going to embrace steam.  in this 21st century revolution steam has become the interpretation of science and technology through exploring engineering, art and maths.   the position advertised was to become a steam powered maker.

steam is big in the united states.  it’s slowly being recognised in the uk.  steam has evolved out of the stem discipline.  by adding art, the whole concept becomes way more interesting and many more ways in are created.

the steam process is described as a holistic process.  something in common with forest school.

in my interview with the silk mill i drew on my forest school training to be part of my foundation to be a steam powered maker.  there is lots of work to be done.  i will have 14 weeks to create and engage.  brining in my existing networks will be of benefit and something we discussed in the interview.

i emphasised my adaptability and open mind to try new things, to work with new groups and new processes.

i loved being in the interview as i was able to be myself and what i said was heard and understood and i understood what came from the panel.

part of the role is to interact with the collection, to find and be inspired by it.

as the role is partnering with an international programme, there is an online aspect to the role, both in terms of sharing and learning.  the online platform being a development process for those taking part.

it’s a part time role so my forest school practice can sit alongside it.

after my affair and focus of completing my forest school portfolio, my practice is set to evolve through a period of making and exploring within the framework of steam.  after so many disappointments and not quite there applications, i’m about to start a period of making and the prospect of excites me to a point of meltdown !  it feels a special opportunity because of the context of where and when it’s happening.  i’m excited about the doing on site and the documenting about it away from site.  i’m excited in the knowledge that i’ll be working with other people and sharing what we do.  i’m excited about the thought of exploring the museum collection and experiencing what becomes of my exploration.  i’m excited when i think about the fact that my interview was successful and i have been selected to be a steam powered maker at the silk mill in derby.  it feels amazing to have been successful in an application for something that is just so exciting.

my energy levels rise.  i feel so inspired.

[ a note about this post.  originally written on 15th may, it was edited on 17th may after learning the outcome of the interview]