hi hat & snare

if you’ve dived into any previous posts of mine, you’ll already be aware that at times i struggle to put into words what i’ve been feeling of late at the time of writing. usually in this situation my writing becomes very self derisery and ends in a cul de sac.

today i’m reflecting upon how this week my overall wellbeing has gone from happy and optimistic to sadder and inward thinking.  a kin to starting a drum solo, getting part way in and stopping because the inspiration or drive to hit the next symbol or drum suddenly leaves oneself.  an alternative view is that the kit was being hit so hard the sticks have either broken of been dropped.

in reflecting i see that part of this sudden stoppage is caused by a feeling of not doing what i want to do.  for example wanting to process the images from the monday night photography session and getting them online and not yet having starting that.

being told of a residency that i might apply for because of the little drawings i make while travelling on buses. the thought of this going from wow “that sounds a bit of fun” to “why would i want to spend 23 days in a cabin on a merchant ship?”

twenty three days at sea 

my partner told me about the undersea art award.   i found this video of a past recipient talking about the opportunity rather inspiring.

undersea art award

the midweek forest school afterschool club was really enjoyable.  i’ve completed the 6 sessions necessary for the portfolio so this week i was much more relaxed.  the children were way less hyped up as christmas has now past.

i’ve had two ideas this week that might well need to be followed up.  the first was as a result of looking through a box of photograghs i have in the cabin.  in the box was a bag of photos and papers from my teenage years.  i have alot of memory triggers from that time including books from productions at the wolsey youth theatre, the national youth theatre and lamda.  for some time i’ve mused about what to do with them all.  i think i want to return them to the respective bodies and have thought about this for sometime.  what has been holding me back is making something that connects me now to what i have before i return it to it’s origin.  i’ve been making a kind of digital archive repository as way of documenting how i view my formative years, years on and from a different perspective.

that archive generation has been slow.

this week i made a connection to the artists access to art college programme, of which i was a participating artist in 11/12. that programme invites applications later in the year to work in a university with access to their technical areas.  this week i started to believe in re-applying to the programme to work in a university with the material i have from my past with a view to re-appropriate the stuff as images, make an exhibition and then return the source material to the bodies of people where i made the stuff originally.  as i put my idea together i plan to inform the bodies of what my thinking is and how they are a part of it.

my second inspiration is for a short video work.

for sometime now i’ve been researching the household use of gas and electricity.  part of this research has been to take specific notice of duration of showers.  the electric shower being the largest elcetrical appliance in the house.

my research is aided by a digital smart meter.  the electrical usage is relayed in real time.  we can see that the shower uses 60 pence per hour of electricity.  a very small amount of money.

this week i made a connection to how this small amount of money stacks up when the shower is used for 20+ minutes 3 or 4 times a week by just one member of the family of 5.

as i reach the near end of this post i start to feel happy and optimistic like i did at the beginning of the week. a week that also sees the bdo world dart championship taking place and the home of world darts … the lakeside !    this week i have indulged myself in watching as much of the darting action as i can squeeze into my day.

time now to watch more darts and plan when i’m going to do the things i want to do.

other darting competitions are available

first day away from christmas and new year, feels a little awkward.  starting to return to the things that need to be done to maintain a normal condition.  thoughts of picking up the forest school portfolio and attending to sections that require completion.

i’m finding that there is a slow distancing from all the wonderful thoughts i had over the weekend towards ideas of why and what to create.  it’s like after the initial eurphoria some sembelence of sustainable energy in the solo  is leading me toward the hi hat and snare.

i think today i’m having to put down the sticks and recognise i just need to do a few other things.  previously this might have given rise to angst and difficulties, now in this moment, it’s merely some recorded thoughts on this blog and all is ok.

this evening i’m starting a bit of an adventure, i’m going to attend a photographic society meeting to find out what it’s like to attend a photographic society meeting.  tonight is a practical session, so i’m taking along my camera, tripod and a big smile.

my motivation to attend the meeting is to get out a bit more and be amougst people with an interest that is an interest of mine too.   last january i took a 4 week short course in active listening.  i found the benefit of that course was felt some weeks after it ended.  i hope that the photographic society is a benefical experience and leads to something positive.

i’m experiencing difficulties uploading images to this blog currently.  i hope it’s just a small technical glitch that soon is resolved.

with the new year still a recent memory, i’ve been considering how large times feature in my life but what is the concept large times.

i’ve quickly pulled a selection of what i think the concept is from you tube

all of them have an audience across countries, involve a simple idea and are possible because of the work of relatively few people.

and what of my involvement with these large times ?  new years eve i took part in monitoring the time and stood outside of the house with those of us assembled for the evening.  i felt the energy at midnight nearby generated by the screams and firework explosions.  in that moment it felt like everything else was paused and at peace, anything was possible, nothing in the past or future mattered.  the moment being so large and so universal and so easily understood. what was the duration of that moment … ?

what is my response to that moment … ?

the time of the new year gives many opportunities of choosing to celebrate the turning of the year dial on the old analogue calendar.  over the years i’ve been to parties that i’ve arrived at both early and late, had quiet evenings in with a loved one and had very large evenings that started in a pub and continued well into the daylight.

for me the best ones have been when nothing special particularly happened at midnight.

for years i had a thing that i did at midnight that acted as a guard for me in the coming year, a superstition.  i realised that actually what ever happened at midnight and the minutes there after was not going to become a barometer for the rest of the year.  the moment of midnight new years eve was about the moment at moment at new years eve.

on the new years eves when i stayed in and watched tv it struck me tv is really ill equipped to deal with the dial of date slipping on another digit.

this year i spent new year’s eve in a way i had not done before and it was a very enjoyable evening.  last night i slept off new years eve and today i’m still levelling out after all the excitement of conversation.

with a new year comes a new cleanliness of mind.

my commitment to my forest school leader training reaches another week of focus in less than a month.  i feel grounded and ready for what that brings forth.

my commitment to myself lays in front of me as much time as i need to explore my time of solo expression.  as it begins now there are many decisions waiting to be made as i carve out the initial form.  beyond that lays time of ordering the outcomes of the actions of the cleanliness of mind.

yes !

a new blog,

a new year.