holding down the muse by her tail…

Today only one image of my installation:

How do people manage to find time to get bored..? These days are just never long enough. I want to write a few proposals and chase up opportunities and contacts that have come my way in the last month or two… And it always seems to be evening and too late when I have time..
Who sneaks all the time?
I am quite enjoying invidulating my work at the cathedral, at least once a day I find myself in an unexpected conversation which I just wouldn’t like to have missed. I hope a few more people come to see the work.

Spending a fair amount of time handing out my information leaflets to passer-by pensioners and Japanese who are equally baffled by the somewhat too small type-face that I used.. Or the language.. I would like a couple of funding type persons to come and have a look, and fall in love with the work, or me, either way, as long as it would lead to funded opportunities to make more work, to make more work for this project, to make new, other work, to just make work. Actually it would be good to meet some more artists/dancers/thinkers/doers.. People to make work with.. The isolation of this project has been tiering especially in the 2 weeks before it went up and the time leading up to the private view..

Did I say: I wish making work would be paid.. I work pretty hard. I would like to work more.

There is definitely the question: Who am I making work for? Who is the art for, and what purpose does it serve..? Is it a selfgratifying exercise, would that even be a bad thing? Does an artist have to be useful to other people, is this a responsibility that is expected of other people? Why would it/ should it then of the artist, who probably isn’t even paid..?

If I am honest I am making work for people with inspiration. What their precise background is isn’t of importance. But I really do need an inspired audience. I couldn’t pretend any other truth than that. My art isn’t going to exactly change the world. Most people’s art really won’t do that. But I have small contributions to make to the dialogue between people.. One wouldn’t expect, one shouldn’t expect that every act a writer takes, a philosopher or scientist, will necessarily change the world. But each thorough endeavour is worthwhile in it’s own right and an inspiration to anyone who cares to take the time to engage..

So I am not under any illusion that a majority of council flat tenants will enjoy or even tollerate my work, but I was once a council flat tenant (as a child and teenager) and when a friend took me to a gallery, for what was then my first time, it left an amazing impression on me. It opened my eyes to more than the art works on display but fitted in snuggly with the experience of having an enlightened Latin teacher who tought less latin but more philosophy and thought.. It also connected with my growing enjoyment of reading "Die Zeit" a german newspaper that transported me into another world, one of words and thoughts and possible futures..

So perhaps my work may just be the tiny experience that adhers to someone’s mind ready to pop back up and connect to another beautiful experience which in combination change life.. For someone.

For some time I struggled with art, the necessity, the use, the indulgence… But now I feel a sense of purpose and am not particularly interested in continuing the inward directed sense of distress and questioning that probably leads to more inaction than action. Art is very useful, but it takes some inspiration to understand that. Of course there are some art forms and expressions of which the ‘use’ is more easily identifyable, but I think my work comes in as a form of visual philosophy…

Today I feel nourished thanks to my art work, actually… While I invigulated my show, I met an interesting Urban Planning Phd student, and was drawn into a 2 hour conversation about everything. Philosophy, Art, Society, practicalities and the impossibility of me making it to this year’s Venice Biennale, after I already bought the plane ticket… We talked about teachers of all kinds and supervisors, education establishments, faith, spirituality, paths in life and right ones, wrong ones, and the debatable need to follow one at all… and I introduced him to scones.. (He isn’t from this Island)

The project costs had spiralled beyond all expectation (evidence is not exactly visible..) and the full time involvement with getting everything to work took 10 days more than I had scheduled. 10 days in which I wanted to make some drawings for the gallery that sells them and for a regular customer of mine, and 10 days which would have also been the time to reflect on next steps.. And so now I can’t go mingling in Italy with the international exclusives and would-like-to-be-exclusives… Making new work and meeting application deadlines take precedence over a not entirely neccessary adventure…

The conversation with this stranger refreshed my brain cells and I also feel a sense of freedom spread itself like fresh air, all around my mind… A freedom that comes with having made decisions. (Cancelling Venice, as sore as it was; and also not taking the opportunity to hear Jan Svankmajer talk, even so I have a ticket for tuesday in London, and I have been looking forward to this for 5 weeks -and to seeing my friend whom I have only seen once in the last 2 years and whom I love … But again, I just can’t leave my show now. After all the work that I have put in, I need to be here with it now.. And I am actually starting to feel proud of it…)

This is now the last week of the show being up at the cathedral, and I am only just feeling that I am getting at least some of my momentum back. So I have extended the viewing hours and am finally looking forward to meeting my walking-by-by-chance audience..
There isn’t much advertising of the work, which is a little disappointing, but I just got so run out of energy and I did what I could.

The Liverpool Art Blog has me listed, although in a bit of a half hearted way, which is not surprising, Ian is running this great website almost as a one man show, and I know he has help, but I don’t think there is enough funding, if any and certainly for work like his there should be.
It is the Art in Liverpool Blog that played a large part in helping me re-launch back into my art practice, 2 years ago. It is a fantastic resource of what is happening in Liverpool; who the artists are, where they are, what they show and where. I think he has been absolutely instrumental in facillitating a community that previously was considerably more scattered.. Especially since most Cafes don’t have notice boards any more and instead choose a streamlined, corporate style, with space only for the latest, glossy property magazine…

From the day that I re-launched myself into my carreer, his website has really made a world of difference, to have access to where the private views are and with that were the art community and exclusives are. Which makes ‘beginning again’ so much easier, it’s like having friends/colleagues before one has met them…

The only other equal contributors to the dynamic with which I am now working are an artist I met at one of the Independent Biennial Openings and "Mercy" the Liverpool Design Collective, with a magazine and a very strong poetry/music/art branch. They (Tomas Harold & Nathan Jones) curated "Bracket This III" during the last Biennial, a show to which I was invited to make work.

The anti-climax is taking over, the adrenal rush and push is running low, but now I only need to carry on to invigilate the installation.The projectors are still not to be trusted, as they are very intent of tearing the film or developing some other problem whenever I turn my head in another direction.
The show will be in the Anglican cathedral and available to view for one more week. For the most part of the day 5 monitors are showing what should be on the 5 screens.. This is another one in the line of compromises.. But at least this way there is something visible for audience who arrive when I am absent.

I have set some viewing times which are
mon-fri 11:00-13:00 & 15:00- 16:30
and sat/ sun 13:30-15:30.
However I will be available by request, my telephone number is available in the exhibition space, and anyone can call for an appointment.(07761139340)

The project has been very demanding and the outcome s fine, but I am disappointed that after all this hard work there are still many compromises that I am not really happy with. But it was important to me to show the work anyway, and at the private everybody was happy with what I had to show. The issues that concern me aren’t apparent to most other people.

And considering that I was opening at the Cup Final night the turnout was very good. There were in excess of 30 people and I am happy with that. (Especially since I found out later that it took some doing to get admitance, the security staff had locked the main door and not left any indication as to how to get in… there is another door with a door bell, but I think a fair few people didn’t find this..).
Now I need to think about how to continue and how to earn a living at the same time.Big questions. They demand coffee.. I will go and have coffee.