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…does anybody else wonder if they are risking too much of their youth on striving for an ellusive carreer..?
I have a lot of unanswered questions. Is this really important enough or just a complete indulgence.
I remember 8 years ago I was wondering if I was too old to change directios completely. If I should try and go and study medicine.. Maybe I should have done something more useful like that..


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..and sometimes..

I just by chance find other artists who make me feel brave again, who completely unexpectedly remind me of the magic and the soul that sometimes we can find in art, in words, in sounds.. however these are arranged..

Sometimes, I find one artist like this, in what I once thought would be the very least likely place… but here it is, I found one on myspace. As good as the epiphanic experience that I had weeks back when I nearly cried tears of joy in the Chinese Show in the Tate Gallery.. So my heart jumps. I am inspired. She inspired me. Brilliant! And why..? Because I think not only is her work beautiful, but it is brave. There is courage in revealing something that seems so fragile, but I see enormous strength in there.

But I am still feeling apprehensive about the upcoming journey. (I did get a flight, by the way…although the prices have gone throught the roof..)

It seems strange in a way to travel half around the planet to India, in order to make art work, when I wouldn't mind making it here. But financially and strategically it is so unbelievably prohibitive to work here.. Still, I have spent my dental money on the flight… (yes, my dental money… I have a tooth that needs sorting and will cost exactly what that plane ticket cost… Oh dear…) Making art like this just requires so much of one person, for which I suppose I always imagined there would be a whole team.. Instead the artist permanently does a :'And Again…" on picking up the crazy confidence required to risk an entire existence… For art. It seems laughable sometimes.. art… And still it is exactly the single most important, essential, existing factor, ingredient in my life.

I have projects to write up and haven't even started yet !

So just as well I am negotiating with a conspirator … Tomorrow morning will be filled with trying to get things into writing and with burning images for an impromptu exhibition onto discs.. Just I can barely afford to have them printed out. And disappointingly the printing is almost the same cost out there in India.. And not quite as relieably professional as 'Moorfields Photo Lab' in Liverpool are.

I am clearly crazy. But then we all knew that.

Postcards anyone…????? (Remember I need any that you have sitting around in boxes. Old, new, vintage, with art on them or places… So far the response has been phenomenal: NONE… Help please, SOS… Needed by sunday..)


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..sudden change of plan.

I will go to India as soon as I can get the Visa.It occured to me that I seem to be somewhat slow at making drawing based works right now and I could use the time far more efficently out there.

So I shall be off within the next two weeks.Now I just need to find a lodger.

Phew. This is much better, why didn't I think of it sooner?


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