Everything seems to be happening at the moment potential job offers and a possible re-location. Exciting and nerve racking stuff. I have been feeling a little jaded with making work and the art scene. I genuinely thought after my MA that things might take off a bit more for me, which I don’t feel they have. I am struggling to continue trying to be an artist the fight has left me. Right now I feel like my performance training has given me more skills to work in retail than to be a successful artist. So what’s wrong with that? I genuinely enjoy working in retail and the ever-changing environment is well suited to my personality. Working in retail has clear development structures to progress within the company were as being an artist doesn’t. If a gallery represents your work, is that a mark of success? If you are not, how do you then measure your progression? Who knows maybe I will start making performances about the ‘customer service experience’. There is no knowing if your work is good or if you are moving on with your practice, which can feel pretty empty. Or should I respond to these signs that things haven’t taken off so just let it go, enjoy what I have achieved and move on. For now I am not making anymore work and want to throw myself into something else. I feel a change is coming. Out of the studio for now.
Feeling a bit pissed off with my paid work. In the end they are going to use some random person to act as ‘the artist’ for the handbag promotion. To be honest it could have been anyone handing out sheets of paper for people to fill in a bag design. Although I still think it would have been funny a bit tongue in cheek from my perspective. I find it a bit ridiculous how the brand try and associate with ‘the artist’ or rather ‘fake artist’. When they had the opportunity to use a real one, they didn’t. They just want someone to pose as one making an association with how creative the brand is. I then saw another opportunity at my other job at the arts centre, a vacancy that was not advertised internally and so now I have conveniently missed the deadline. Sometimes I feel like I am invisible at work and seen as someone who just does a bit of art with nothing else to offer. I know these jobs are not the ‘be all’ of my life however I still want to feel that I am progressing in all areas of my work. Reaching the grand old age of 36 last month is making me feel like I should be further on in my career and I worry that I will be continually overlooked.
It’s funny how when I am stressed with my paid work I start feeling more creative, not sure what that’s all about. Does creativity come out of stress? I have been thinking about working with my brother who has been researching our family tree. He is off to India on Saturday with my Mum to do further research as our family lived in India during the British Empire. Our ancestors are a mixture of British and immigrants from Portugal that were known as the Eurasians. I like the idea of working with a non-artist and thinking of creative ways of presenting our family tree. My relatives from my mums, mum side have a strong dark Portuguese look which I would like to try and mimic whilst my brother talks through his research in a performance lecture style piece. I also have a big idea for the arts centre to use the art gallery for a one off event near the end of a show. I would like to propose my idea to them although I do worry that I may be overlooked again. I have been trying to get this idea of the ground for about a year. The gallery at the arts centre is the perfect size for my activity and could really broaden their audience. If my event was successful it could be a regular activity or could be rolled out at other art galleries.
Watched an interesting DVD this week called The Joneses, directed by Derrick Borte, 2009 the premise is:
A seemingly perfect family moves into a suburban neighborhood, but when it comes to the truth as to why they’re living there, they don’t exactly come clean with their neighbors.
In fact the family are fake and are sales people who sell their products unknowingly to the neighbors. I really liked the concept of this film although the tone was a bit confused neither being funny or serious enough, ending somewhere middle of the road. The mock family sells products to their target market with the dad excelling by selling expensive products such as the latest car and lawnmower. The neighbors are swept off their feet by the way the Joneses look, act and live the ultimate lifestyle. The film appears to end when the next-door neighbor commits suicide after getting in so much debt from constantly buying products. He ends his life by drowning himself in the pool, tied to the lawnmower. I know this film is an exaggerated take on consumerism although it does make me worry how far people will go to have the latest gadget and peoples perceptions of the ‘ideal’ lifestyle.
At my paid work at the bag shop, my manager asked me if I knew any artists. Well of course I did and in fact I am an artist, which I stated. Of course my manager knows this although wanted me to ask someone else to help with a store promotion, design a bag competition. I do feel sometimes that my creative skills are overlooked at work and couldn’t understand why they didn’t just ask me to do it. I was not asked because they did not want to pay someone to come in and thought it may be of interest for an artist to do it for their portfolio. When my manager mentioned this to me I did say that all the artists I know would expect to be paid. This comment did upset me a little bit as I still feel that some people think art, is a bit of a hobby and that artists will be grateful for any scraps of work. This is not a commission, or an artwork it is a promotion for a branded store, which should be paid for. I will get to do it and get paid my usual hourly rate, so one up for the artists.
I have been back in Manchester since Sunday and settling back into the old routine. It was my birthday on Tuesday, which has made me feel very reflective about the past few years and looking ahead. However can you ever look to far into the future being an artist? I think not. I was pleasantly surprised to read that my a-n blog in August made the top ten, zooming in at no.7. So big thanks to all you readers. I haven’t made it into the studio this week as simply getting back to working in the shop and being at home has been enough to deal with. I have been reflecting on the self-made residency in Finland since named by Anna as the Unknown Road Residency due to the summerhouse being situated on a road with no name. At the beginning of the journey I had no idea of what I was going to do, leaving inspiration to happen when I actually arrived at the place. Creativity will always emerge in some shape or form although you still have to keep working at it to actually make something happen. Should an artist residency necessarily be about making something? Could it not simply offer time and space to think which may or may not evolve into work at a later date? Being at the summerhouse really made me appreciate the many distractions we have in our daily lives. It amazes me how any of us make anything and what an achievement it is when we do. Even though I was in a forest for ten days in a totally different environment I was still drawn to the things around me. A performing blind, and a performing tablecloth objects, which we assume are pretty mundane transcend into a moving image. From this experience Anna has seen the potential of the summerhouse for other people to use for a residency although has some reservations, as it is her family home. Anna got lots done she managed to draft out her proposal, meet a new artist and have a new space to exhibit in 2012. I know how busy Anna is working at the gallery and for HESA INPRINT (http://www.hesainprint.com/) she really needed this time out for her own work. I learnt from re-doing The Eventé performance that this piece can travel and could be extended further by introducing more participatory activities. Although I did not get the chance to promote The Eventé I can see the potential of doing this on the street and would like to experiment with this in the future.
