A few weeks have passed now since completing the making of ‘I Always Wanted To Be …’ I became totally engrossed in the film making process and it’s taken me a while to stop feeling completely consumed with thoughts of ballerinas and dance.
Found vintage image
I’m still not sure what to do with the film or how best to show it to an audience, but I don’t feel under any particular pressure to get it ‘out there’ just yet. Bearing in mind that film making was a completely new experience for me and I’ve had (and still have) a lot to digest and process, the timing for making it public feels important. So, it’s parked for now, waiting for when it feels right to launch it.
In the meantime, as so often happens, working on one thing has led to another; I’ve been thinking a lot about sound and levels of hearing – specifically, my own and the struggle I sometimes had with hearing in the final editing process – especially the sound edit. I’ve been thinking about how much my deafness might have impacted on my decision making and general directing of the film. Thoughts around this, in turn, led me to seek out a file that I knew I had stored away somewhere.
Found vintage image
The file is marked simply ‘DEAF’ and in it are various cuttings and images that I’ve collected over the years, relating to deafness, hearing, sign language, communication, etc. It’s fascinating to see how the images relate to each other, however arbitrarily. I also came across a plastic model of the interior of an ear – it’s always exciting to unearth these forgotten ‘treasures.’ Whether or not something comes out of this recent refind remains to be seen, but my focus in the studio today has been on sorting and laying out the raw materials I already have to hand.
The film ‘I Always Wanted To Be …’ is now complete and the blog, which I started in August last year (2016), concluded. ‘Keeping It Moving’ (published on the a-n artists blog website) was created specifically to record the process of making this short film.
Grateful thanks to film maker Henrietta Thomas and to a-n The Artist Information Company for funding the project via a professional development bursary.
Found image from vintage ballerina book
You can read my account of the past five months’ work on my blog here:
https://www.a-n.co.uk/blogs/keeping-it-moving/date/2016/08
‘It’s so obvious when I think about it – how much my mood is affected by the environment in which I find myself and how that in turn, impacts on the work I make. Caught up in the general busyness of life, you sometimes forget these things.’
Post New Year’s Day and looking back. I’ve just looked to see where I left things before heading away for what felt like a much needed break. I wrote the above in my last post here, in December. Today, on the second day of the year, I’m writing this from Scotland, where I’m more acutely aware than ever of how much my environment affects me. It’s not just about the physical environment, one which I love and feel completely at home in – it’s also about the people who live within it. Warm, open people on the whole – Scottish people, renowned for their warm welcome and friendliness.
On a more personal note, visits to Scotland are also about the people who no longer exist. So many of the family homes that for years had been the focal point of visits to my Dad’s birthplace in Ayrshire are no longer there. I’m lucky to have family connections and a place to stay in Edinburgh, but I miss the familiarity and closeness of my Dad’s relatives – the warmth and a true sense of belonging.
Loss is always very much at the forefront at this time of year – Christmas card lists emphasising who’s no longer living, set places at the table highlighting who’s no longer around to join in with family meals – sharp reminders of just how fragile life is.
Callander, December 2016
I’m ending this post with a quote from a new year’s tweet from Harry Leslie Smith, an activist for the poor and for the preservation of social democracy. It feels apt in terms of my New Year’s resolution to be more hopeful and optimistic:
‘Keep faith in love, friendship and democracy & never surrender your human light to the darkness of demagogues.’
Happy 2017 everybody and here’s to everyone getting what they deserve.
Another studio move …
Considering so much of the work I make responds to what’s going on around me, the place in which I create it and store a fraction of my collection (my work material), is clearly important. Signing on the dotted line of the new contract yesterday reminded me just how important my working space is to me. It’s so obvious when I think about it – how much my mood is affected by the environment in which I find myself and how that in turn, impacts on the work I make. Caught up in the general busyness of life, you sometimes forget these things.
On the move (again) Photo: Kate Murdoch 2015
The new studio is light and airy and despite having virtually an entire wall of windows, is slightly warmer than the one I’ve just left – and it’s a half, as opposed to a quarter share, so there’s a little more room to spread out while I’m working. That’s the key, really – having sufficient space to move around in, to be able to stand back from the work and to see it with some degree of space around it. A bigger studio inevitably costs more money, but I’m prepared to sacrifice other expenses in order to try and make it work.
My focus is currently more outside of the studio and on the making of the short film, ‘I Always Wanted To Be …’ (documented on my ‘Keeping It Moving’ blog, here on a-n), but I felt the need to document the new studio here – to mark it as an important event. Just as starting this blog questioned whether or not I’d be able to sustain writing it, at the same time as being creative in the studio, I’m curious to know how much of an impact this new space might have on my work in the future. I’m already excited about working in it in the new year.
So, new year, new start … I’m not wanting to wish the time away, but I’m already excited about the start of 2017 with an improved new space in which to try out new ideas.
The quote below by psychoanalyst, Hanna Segal is taken from her interview with journalist John Henley, published in ‘The Guardian’ in September 2008:
‘But the important thing is to keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden. I find this extraordinarily helpful: we live in a mad world, but for those of us who believe in some human values, it is terribly important that we just keep this little fire burning. It is about trusting your judgement, and the power of love. A little trust, and a little care.’
The word ‘surprise’ has been used a lot in the media this past week in connection with Donald Trump becoming president elect. Just as in the UK’s General Election result, the information and predictions fed to us in the lead up to the USA presidential election seem to contradict the final outcome. I didn’t expect Trump to win on Tuesday, any more than I expected the Tories to be re-elected in 2015.
It’s very much a head in the sand response, but the plinkety plonk sounds and the pretty, twinkly dancing girls of the music boxes in the meantime, are providing a welcome relief from being fixated on world politics. More future updates to come as the film making and editing for the “I Always Wanted To Be …’ short film continues.
