I usually have a clear vision of what I want to say and the direction in which my thoughts will take me when I sit down to write these posts – this week is different. It’s been a week of extreme emotions and there’s been a significant shift in my focus. If writing this blog helps me in some way get back on course, then the answer to whether or not blogging helps or hinders my practice is, in this situation at least, obvious.
Experience has taught me that in order to get back on track with any kind of creativity, I need to get back to paying attention to what I’m doing and get myself grounded again; back to being focussed.
And so, honouring my commitment to writing this blog is a first step in trying to do that; this blog after all, is about keeping it going.
That said, it’s clearly not always easy to stay on course, especially when there’s been some sort of disturbance or disruption as there has been for me this past week, one which is too hard to talk about openly. My mind’s been elsewhere for a lot of the time and the flow of things has been interrupted. I’ve hesitated many times about posting here this week, wrestling with the question: what do I feel comfortable with being made public versus what do I prefer to keep to myself? Do I indeed, need to say anything at all? It’s that old familiar dilemma.
On the basis that this blog acts as a place to record both the highs and lows of my artistic practice, however, it would feel strange to simply ignore the fact that in the days since last posting on here, something bad happened; something that knocked me completely sideways – I’m still reeling slightly from the impact. I don’t want to go into the details, but suffice it to say that, in the course of doing someone a favour, some accidental damage occurred, for which I felt at least partly responsible. The person involved has been incredibly kind and forgiving – I however haven’t found it quite so easy to forgive myself!
Over the years of following other artist/bloggers on this site, I’ve read many of them discussing how difficult writing about the real truth can be. What’s said is said in a wide-reaching public domain and fear of perhaps offending or betraying the trust of college tutors, employers, colleagues or even other studio group members is an expressed concern. There’s a tendency towards skirting around certain issues and the whole truth’s never quite revealed; deemed too risky and potentially detrimental to an artist’s professional practice.
My focus is now on getting back on track and concentrating my thoughts on the positive things that have arisen out of this particular incident. As things have turned out, my inherent faith in humanity has yet again survived intact in spite of the most difficult of circumstances.
I believe that most people are essentially decent and good and that such people tend to gravitate towards each other and act in each other’s best ethical interest. I’m delighted to see the things I fundamentally believe in playing themselves out so positively and if I am to continue to promote my work as being primarily about the wonders of humanity, then it only feels right to write about it here. Humanity yet again has proved itself to me to be a wonderful force for good.
Back to that Lemonhead’s song, then – I know a place I can go when I’m alone. Into your arms, into your arms. I can go. I’ve found my place amongst some artists who are decent, sincere and have great integrity; are sensitive, generous and kind as well as fiercely protective and supportive. It’s a wonderful environment in which to thrive creatively and despite the disaster that occurred this past week resulting in me feeling utterly crushed, I know that the hub I’ve become a part of is a place that’s conducive to surviving bad things happening. I feel nurtured and supported by my peers and I feel very lucky; I’m in good hands – especially for the future of Keeping It Going, in what feels like all senses of the word.
